


Fly Me Away

by Kittens



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Force-Sensitive Finn, Kidnapping, Kinda, M/M, Memory Loss, Mind Reading, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Suicidal Thoughts, gingerpilotweek2018
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-06
Updated: 2019-01-03
Packaged: 2019-05-03 07:03:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 28,755
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14563599
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kittens/pseuds/Kittens
Summary: Poe's uneventful mission becomes much more interesting when he runs into a familiar face at a bar. It's a perfect opportunity to capture a high-ranking member of the First Order, but there's one problem: General Hux seems to have no idea who he is.Written for Gingerpilot Week.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This was supposed to be short. But then I just kept writing and now I have this chapter and there's gonna be more. Just a heads up though. I haven't fully planned this out or written anything else for it so updates will probably be slow.

The Resistance’s information was either bad or too old to be of any use, Poe decided as he parked his speeder at the spaceport. He sent a message to headquarters, informing General Organa that he’d found no evidence of First Order activity on the backwater planet and requesting additional orders. Surely, she would order him to return, but just in case, he didn’t depart the planet and decided to wait for a reply in a nearby cantina.

He sat at the bar and ordered a drink, barely glancing at the bartender until the man spoke. His accent didn’t fit the locale. When he looked at the man, he nearly jumped out of his seat. It couldn’t be… Poe knew he was staring at the red-headed man but he had to know.

Poe had never met the man in person, but he’d seen enough holos of him to know that despite the too long hair and the beginnings of a beard, the man who had just served him ale could be none other than General Armitage Hux.

At least he knew the First Order had indeed been on the planet. But why was General Hux still there? And why was he serving drinks? If it was some kind of undercover mission, surely the First Order had other people they could spare. People whose faces weren’t known around the galaxy.

“Can I get you something else?” Hux asked.

“No,” Poe said, unable to tear his eyes away from him. “Actually, what’s your name?”

“Not sure,” he said, shrugging. “Everyone here just calls me Copper.”

“I’m Poe. Poe Dameron.” Giving his name was a risk, but seeing Hux not react at all meant that he was either an incredible actor or that something very serious had happened to him.

“Well, Poe Dameron, you are gorgeous, but I’m unfortunately working. If you’re still around in a few hours, though. Well, you know where to find me.”

Poe nearly choked on his beer. Something had definitely happened to Hux. Having first hand knowledge of what the Force could do to one’s mind, Poe even had some idea of what might have happened to him, but he’d need Leia or Rey to confirm it. But first things first. He needed to get Hux to come with him. Hopefully, willingly, but if not, Poe could work with that. And Hux had already given him the perfect opportunity.

He finished his drink and paid, and then made the quick trip back to his X-Wing. He informed Leia that he’d found something, but didn’t give any details, only that he’d be returning soon with something valuable. He then checked the medkit on his small craft, but didn’t see what he needed, but he expected that. Surely, he could buy what he needed somewhere in town.

Several hours was more than sufficient for Poe to make his preparations and he returned to the cantina. Hux hadn’t given him a specific time, but he was still working when he walked in the door. He met his eyes and Hux smiled, sending a shiver down Poe’s spine for more than one reason.

Soon, Hux came out from behind the bar and walked over to him, immediately grabbing hold of Poe and tilting his head up so he could kiss him. At first, Poe was too stunned to react, and then he decided it was rather nice and found himself putting his arms around Hux and kissing him back.

“My place isn’t too far,” Hux whispered as he pulled away from him.

Poe nodded and let Hux take him by the hand, leading him outside. He knew he should stop him and talk to the man. His mission was to bring him back to the Resistance, not sleep with him. At the same time, Poe reasoned that didn’t mean he couldn’t do both. He just shouldn’t. Probably.

It wasn’t until he was lying naked in Hux’s arms with Hux half asleep that Poe finally said something. “Never thought I’d get a hug from General Hugs,” he muttered.

“What was that?” Hux murmured.

Poe sighed, not wanting to have the conversation but also knowing he had little choice. Not unless he just wanted to sedate the man and take him back to the Resistance. Which was tempting, but the syringe was currently in one of his jacket pockets, which he’d left on the floor near the door of Hux’s tiny apartment.

“I should have said something before,” Poe said, pushing Hux’s arms away and sitting up. Hux’s eyes were barely open, and Poe couldn’t believe how peaceful the man looked. Nothing like how he appeared in the holos where he was always frowning and dressed in that bulky uniform that made him appear much larger than he was in reality. “I know who you are.”

“Yeah?” Hux sat up, appearing fully alert. “Have we done this before?”

“Uh, no,” Poe said, deciding not to mention any details of their brief interactions. “There’s people who can help you. With your memories. If you want to know who you were.”

“What was I like?”

“You weren’t very nice,” Poe said, putting things as mildly as he could. “Definitely had a stick up your ass.”

“Hmm.” Hux slouched back down, closing his eyes again. “Not sure I want to go back to that. I mean, things aren’t so bad here. I’ve got a job. It pays the bills. Although… what did I do before?”

“Military,” Poe said.

“Really?” Hux laughed and Poe added that to the list of unbelievable things that had happened to him that night. “That’s hard to believe. I’ve never even fired a blaster. Although I suppose I have. I just don’t remember it.”

As Hux spoke, Poe got up from the bed that truly was too small for two men and started getting dressed. He lightly brushed his fingers over the syringe in his jacket pocket, ensuring it was still there.

“Hey, Poe?”

“Yeah?”

“What do you think? If you were me, would you go back to being whoever I was before?”

“Definitely not,” Poe said, answering truthfully. The Hux in front of him was friendly, someone Poe could easily see himself having a few beers with and spending more nights together. Completely unlike the man who had ordered the destruction of five planets and countless other atrocities.

Poe sat down next to him and brushed the red hair out of his face, unable to stop himself from smiling. His hair was soft, much softer than Poe would have ever imagined it. Of course, he’d only ever seen him with copious amounts of gel in his hair, which likely made it harder than a rock.

“Thanks for the offer, Poe, but I’m not sure I want to be who I used to be. At least here, I think I can be happy. Although… can I ask you something?”

“Sure,” Poe said, leaning down to kiss him while reaching into his pocket, uncapping the syringe without looking at it.

“What’s my name?” he asked, gently pushing Poe away so he could speak.

“Armitage Hux,” Poe said before kissing him again. This time, he reached up to Hux’s neck and injected him with the syringe. Hux looked up at him in surprise, but didn’t have time to say anything before the drugs took effect.

“Sorry,” Poe said, surprised that he actually meant it. If Hux recovered his memories, it’d be a shame to lose the man Poe had just met, but Poe also realized that Hux would have very valuable information for the Resistance. 

He dressed Hux quickly, and then pulled him over his shoulder, wishing that Hux had agreed to go with him willingly. Although thin, Hux was still quite heavy and the fact that he was taller than Poe didn’t make things any easier. He eventually managed to get him to his X-Wing, where BB-8 immediately asked him what he was doing.

“Kidnapping,” Poe answered. “Don’t worry about it. Leia approves.” Or at least, she would. But he would worry about that after he figured out just how to get Hux into the cockpit. While climbing the ladder with Hux draped over his shoulder, he really wished he had the Force. It would have made it much easier.

But even the Force couldn’t do much about the cramped cockpit. The X-Wing was only designed for a single pilot, and although they both could fit, it was awkward and not at all comfortable. The Resistance’s new headquarters wasn't far away, so at least they wouldn’t have to spend too long like that.

Fortunately, the sedative Poe used was fairly strong and Hux didn’t even stir until after he’d dropped out of hyperspace and was approaching the remote planet that didn't even have a name on most charts. Reaching over Hux to call the base to request landing clearance was difficult and it seemed to finally rouse Hux from his drug-induced sleep.

“Where am I?” he asked groggily. He tried to move but ended up hitting his head on the top of the cockpit. His eyes seemed to focus on Poe and he reached out and touched his face. “Poe? What happened?”

“Uh, well, try to stay calm, but I sort of kidnapped you.”

“What?” Hux tried to push himself away from Poe once again, but only ended up hitting the back of his head again.

“Please, Hux. Just stay calm until I land the ship. Then, you can scream and hit me and do whatever you need to do. Okay?”

“Why? What did you -” Hux started to shout, but he stopped, taking several deep breaths. “That’s my name, isn’t it? Hux?”

“Yes,” Poe said. 

“Hux,” he said again, sounding it out. “Poe, why did you kidnap me? I said I didn’t want to go!”

“I know, and I feel bad. I really do. But it’s more complicated than that. I’ll explain everything once we land, okay?”

Hux remained silent and didn’t try to do anything stupid, which Poe was grateful for as he brought the X-Wing down into the hangar built into the side of a mountain. It was nearly empty, only containing a handful of other fighters and the _Millenium Falcon_. 

When he opened the cockpit, Hux almost immediately started climbing out. Fortunately, the hangar crew had already brought a ladder over. Unfortunately, the sedatives had not completely left his system and Hux stumbled down the ladder, collapsing on the floor. Poe was quick to join him, crouching down next to him.

“Hey, you didn’t hurt yourself, did you?”

“Poe! You brought someone back with you?”

Poe looked up at the familiar voice and saw Finn jogging over to him, Rey just behind him. He glanced down at Hux, still on the ground and then he stood between Hux and Finn. He knew he couldn’t hide Hux’s presence from the other man forever, but knowing nothing good could come from them being around each other, he wanted to prevent an incident.

“Hey, Finn, Rey,” he greeted. At the same time, BB-8 dropped out of the back of the X-Wing and rolled over to their friends, excitedly beeping at them. Poe couldn’t help but wince as the droid told them everything that happened.

“What? You captured General Hux?” Rey asked, trying to look behind Poe.

“General Hux?” Finn looked shocked. “Rey. Did… did you translate that right?”

“Of course I did,” Rey said, trying to walk around Poe, but he put his arm out and gently pushed her back. 

“Hey, guys, the situation is a bit complicated,” Poe said. “Do you think you could give him a little space?”

“Why should we do anything for him?” Finn spat. “Do you have any idea of what he did to me?”

“Finn, I know. I know you’re angry and you have every right to be. But you can’t take it out on him.”

“Why not?”

“What did I do?” 

Poe turned around to see that Hux had managed to stand up, although he looked a little unsteady. Not wanting him to fall down again, Poe put one of Hux’s arms around his shoulder and the taller man leaned on him. 

“What did you do?” Finn shouted at him, and for a moment, Poe thought that Finn might hit him and he was prepared to keep himself between Hux and Finn, but fortunately, Rey stepped in, taking Finn’s hand and he started to calm down.

“What’s wrong with him?” Rey asked.

“He lost his memory,” Poe said. “I think.”

“Kylo,” Rey said. She fell silent for several moments as she looked Hux over and then asked, “Are we sure it’s not an act?”

“Uh, yeah, pretty sure,” Poe said, feeling a little embarrassed. Hopefully, she wouldn’t ask how he knew, because he didn’t want to admit that he slept with the man. Especially not in front of Finn. He wasn’t sure Finn would ever forgive him.

“I think I can check,” Rey said. “Should I?”

“If you can do it without hurting him,” Poe said. 

Rey nodded and let go of Finn’s hand, taking a step closer to Hux. She raised her hand, and for several moments, nothing happened, although Poe imagined it probably didn’t look like much when you weren’t on the receiving end of a Force probe. Then, Hux suddenly started screaming. 

“I didn’t mean to!” Rey said immediately, lowering her arm. “It shouldn’t have hurt him!”

When Hux’s screams didn’t subside, Poe realized they weren’t the screams of pain caused by a careless Force user simply pulling whatever they wanted from a person’s mind. They were screams of terror. Hux fell to his knees and wrapped his arms around Poe’s waist, babbling incoherently. Poe couldn’t help but put his arms around Hux in an attempt to comfort him, but he still felt guilty when a look of betrayal crossed Finn’s face.

Finn left the hangar in a hurry, not saying anything to Poe. Rey followed after him, promising to inform General Organa of the situation. And Poe just held Hux, who had at least stopped screaming, but clearly, was still very terrified of something. Or someone.


	2. Chapter 2

Poe had returned to the base several hours ago. Under normal circumstances, he would have gotten something to eat and taken a nap as soon as he’d finished his debriefing, but he couldn’t even think of food or sleep. He almost asked the nearest person where Hux had been taken, but it occurred to him that most of base probably weren’t even aware of Hux’s presence and that bit of information probably shouldn’t be spread around unnecessarily.

Instead of asking for Hux’s whereabouts, he tried asking where General Organa was and learned that she was last seen in an unused storage room. That seemed strange to Poe, but then he realized that they didn’t really have a place set aside to keep a prisoner. Or whatever Hux was. Poe didn’t like to think of him as a prisoner, but he didn’t know how else to refer to the situation.

While standing outside the storage room, he could hear Leia’s voice although he couldn’t make out her words through the door. His first thought was to simply walk in and find out what was happening, but he knew Leia wouldn’t appreciate that. He hated to think that Leia had been questioning Hux since his arrival and he hoped she at least hadn’t been too hard on him.

At some point while pacing the hall in front of the door, BB-8 joined him. Poe stopped for a moment to pet the droid on the head, but he couldn’t stay still and soon started pacing again. BB-8 beeped a question at him.

“I don’t know, buddy,” Poe answered. “I’m just going to be here until they’re done.” He knew BB-8 was right - there were plenty of more productive things he could do or at least more relaxing, but he couldn’t think of anything but the terrified expression on Hux’s face when he’d been taken away. 

Poe knew he shouldn’t feel bad for him. Not after everything he’d done. He knew no one else would take any pity on the man, even if he had no memory of his life before. But he couldn’t help it. If he was in Hux’s place, he would hope at least someone would care about him. 

When the door finally slid open, Poe nearly ran over but barely managed to contain himself. BB-8 whistled, but Poe wasn’t listening because he was trying to ask multiple questions at once. “Is he okay? Did he say anything? Can I see him?”

Leia smiled and patted him on the shoulder. “You seem to be correct about his memory,” she said. “Unfortunately, he won’t be able to give us any information, but at least he’s in our hands now.”

“What’s going to happen to him?” 

“That’s not something any one person can decide,” she said, shaking her head. “His lack of memory is a complication. He deserves imprisonment at the least, but how can we punish a man who has no memory of what he’s done? For now, all we can do is make sure he stays with us.”

Poe nodded, glad that at least one other person didn’t want to simply lock him up and throw away the key. Not that he would have expected any less from Leia. “How’s he doing?”

“He’s scared, but I think I’ve managed to convince him that we’re not going to harm him. You can talk to him if you’d like. Just be very careful what you say to him about who he is. In this state, I think it’d do more harm than good if he found out some of the things he’s done.”

“Of course,” Poe said, walking around Leia to the door. He pressed the button and the door slid open, allowing Poe to step inside. 

Because there hadn’t been anything in the closet, there had been room to place a small table and two chairs. Hux sat in one of the chairs and when Poe first walked in, he’d had his arms and head resting on the table. He looked up at Poe and for several moments, they simply looked at each other.

“How could you do this to me?” Hux finally spoke, getting to his feet. When he came around the table, Poe was suddenly very aware that he hadn’t brought any kind of weapon with him. If Hux attacked him, Poe didn’t know if he could win in a fight, but his fears were unfounded. Hux stopped in front of him but didn't make a move to hit him.

“I’m sorry,” Poe said, not sure what else he could say.

“You knew I was your enemy and you slept with me with the full intention of drugging me and kidnapping me!” Hux shouted at him. “Why would you do that?”

“I’m sorry,” Poe repeated. Maybe it had been a mistake to try talking to Hux. Poe couldn’t blame him for being angry although he had hoped for the best. “I didn’t want to. Drug you, that is. But I couldn’t just leave you there.”

“Why not? I’m not this general that you think I am! What good am I to you? You could have just left me in my home.”

It sounded as if Hux might cry and Poe couldn’t help but reach out and touch him on the shoulder. Surprisingly, Hux didn’t push him away. Instead, he fell into Poe and he felt warm tears on his neck.

“I don’t know what I did,” he sobbed. “I just want to go home.”

“You’re going to be okay,” Poe assured him, hoping that would continue to be the truth. He walked him back to one of the chairs and had him sit down, while Poe sat on the table. A few more tears continued to fall down Hux’s cheeks, but he had started to calm down.

Hux looked utterly pathetic sitting in the chair in front of Poe. In his civilian clothes, he looked frail and fragile and the way he sat made him look even smaller, like he was trying to disappear into the chair. Poe couldn’t help but consider simply taking Hux back to the planet he had found him on. He could probably get away with it and he’d likely even be forgiven. But it wouldn’t do any good - the Resistance would simply send someone else to pick him up and then make sure Poe never got near him again.

“I know I’m probably not your favorite person right now,” Poe said, “but is there anything I can do for you?”

“No,” Hux said, shaking his head slightly. “I’m just tired.”

“Well, I can help you there,” Poe said as he stood up. “You can sleep in my quarters for now. I won’t be there. It’ll just be you.” He felt like he had to add that last part when Hux’s head shot up with a worried look on his face.

“I mean, you don’t have to,” Poe continued when Hux didn’t say anything. “I don’t think the floor would be very comfortable, but uh. Did you want me to just go?”

“I suppose a better offer isn’t going to come along,” Hux said. He stood up slowly and looked at Poe. “As kidnappings go, I imagine this could be quite a bit worse.”

“Definitely,” Poe said. “I was captured once and -” He stopped himself before he said too much. Although he hadn’t seen Hux when he had been captured, he didn’t want to tell Hux exactly what the First Order had done to him. “Anyway, I’ll show you to my room.”

They stepped outside the closet and Poe was happy to see that the hallway was deserted. Leia hadn’t told him he was authorized to take Hux anywhere else on their base, but she also hadn’t told him not to do so, and he really wanted to do whatever he could to make up for what he’d done. And he felt certain if he could get Hux to his quarters, Leia would at least allow him to rest there for a while. He just needed to avoid others as best he could.

“Hey, BB-8,” Poe said, glancing down at his droid who had been waiting in the hall. “In about thirty minutes, can you let General Organa know that Hux is staying in my quarters? And if there’s anyone between here and there, maybe you can get them out of our way.”

The astromech beeped their acknowledgement and rolled away. Poe waited a few moments, giving BB-8 some time to clear their path if anyone happened to be there. Once he felt enough time had passed he motioned for Hux to follow him.

If anyone had been in the hallways, BB-8 had done their job well because they didn’t run into a single person and Poe managed to get Hux to his small room without incident. Even if he’d been promoted back to commander, Poe knew he likely wouldn’t have had much better accommodations. The new base had plenty of space, but very little was set up as living quarters. 

His lower rank might even be beneficial, Poe thought as he glanced at his bunk. Although his quarters were meant for two, he hadn’t been assigned a roommate. Perhaps Hux would be able to stay with him. 

“It’s not much,” Poe said. “But it’s good enough to catch some sleep. And there’s a ‘fresher through that door in the back.”

“Thank you,” Hux said, walking over to sit on the bottom bed. “Can I ask you something?”

“Sure.”

“When we first arrived, there was a man. What did I do to him?”

“Uh,” Poe tried to think fast, not sure what to tell him. The truth would likely be too much, but he didn’t want to lie either. “It’s a complicated situation. He was a stormtrooper in the First Order and you were a general. I don’t know if you in particular did anything to him or if it’s just that he can’t help but see you as the bad guy.”

“I suspect that’s going to happen quite a bit,” Hux said with a sigh. “That’s why you had your droid clear the way, isn’t it?”

“Well, not exactly,” Poe said. “I didn’t want word getting back to General Organa that I moved you. Just in case she doesn’t like that idea. By the time she finds out, it’ll be too late to do anything about it.”

“You’re going behind your superior officer’s back?” Hux frowned. “Why would you do that?”

“It’s not so much going behind her back as…” Poe waved his hand, not really sure where he had been going with that. And he didn’t expect Hux to understand how they did things in the Resistance. “Anyway, you needed a place to sleep. She’ll understand.”

“Well, I guess I don’t really care if you get in trouble over this,” Hux said as he laid down. “But thank you.”

“No problem, Hugs,” Poe said. “Me and BB-8 will check on you later. But if you wake up, it’s probably best if you don’t leave the room.”

“I’m planning on sleeping for a very long time,” Hux said. He adjusted a pillow a few times before finally settling his head down. Poe waited for a few moments and when Hux remained silent, Poe decided it was time for him to leave. 

Once he left his quarters, he yawned and remembered just how tired he was. He didn’t think Hux would appreciate it if he stayed in the room as well, even if he slept in the other bed. Of course, if Leia approved Hux staying there, he’d have to get used to it, but Poe didn’t want to intrude on him too much. 

At least Hux didn’t seem to completely despise him. Poe wasn’t sure why he cared about that so much.

 

“I’ve been looking for you,” Rey said, taking a seat next to Finn. She had looked all over the base for him until Rose let her know that she had seen him heading outside, which was where Rey had finally found him. She linked their elbows and rested her head on his shoulder.

“I just needed some space,” he said. 

“How are you feeling?’

“I don’t know,” Finn said, shaking his head. “I don’t like having him here. I don’t trust that it’s not some kind of trick. And if he really has lost his memories, why are we even bothering with him? Poe should have shot him or dumped him out an airlock or -”

“Finn,” Rey interrupted him, giving him a kiss on the cheek as well. “You know that’s not the way we do things. I can’t imagine what he must have put you through, but killing him won’t change anything.”

“I know,” he said with a sigh. “It’s just hard for me to see him. And Poe. I can’t believe he was… whatever he was doing!”

“We can talk to Leia,” Rey said. “Try to make sure that he stays far away from you so you won’t run into him again.”

“Thanks,” Finn said, tilting his head so it rested on top of Rey’s. 

“In the meantime, we can work on our meditation techniques,” Rey said and Finn groaned in response. Although Finn was an eager student in many ways, he struggled with meditation, and Rey was determined to find a way to teach it to him. He was her first student, after all, and she had to learn how to teach. 

Rey had no idea when she might have another student, but she was glad to have it be just her and Finn for the moment, as it allowed her to spend more time with him. She’d already spent far too much time away from him and she never wanted to be separated from him for so long again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You can pry Force-sensitive Finn from my cold, dead hands.


	3. Chapter 3

Hux stared down at his tray, wondering how much longer he could stretch his meal. He’d never managed to spend an entire lunch break actually eating, although he certainly tried. Part of the reason was because he never took as much food as he wanted. Almost no one on the base seemed to like him and he didn’t want to give anyone more reason to hate him. If nothing else, they would at least not be able to call him greedy.

But even if he took as much food as he wanted, he’d still never manage to fill his break since he had nothing to do besides eat. Unlike the others who spent most of their breaks talking to friends. He glanced down the long table and at the other end sat a group of five people, talking and laughing as they ate. There were several other groups throughout the mess hall. Only Hux sat alone.

Hux knew he shouldn’t complain. Given how much everyone hated him, he should have been glad they ignored him instead of harassed him. Really, he was lucky. But still, he found himself wishing he had someone who would at least talk to him. So far, Poe was the only one who treated him like a regular person, but he was off on some mission, leaving Hux on his own.

Loud laughter pulled his attention back to the group at the end of the table. The young woman sitting closest to Hux looked in his direction and he quickly turned his attention back to his tray. He’d been working with Rose for nearly two weeks, and at first, he thought she was okay with him. She didn’t say much except when she was telling him what to do, but that didn’t bother Hux. He thought she simply didn’t speak much. 

But then he’d seen her with others, like she was at the moment, and he saw a completely different person. She talked and laughed and smiled, and that’s when Hux realized that she was just like the others. He tried not to be angry - he knew he’d done something terrible for everyone to treat him in such a way, but it was frustrating not knowing why.

Not wanting to be around others anymore, he quickly finished his meal and cleaned up. Normally, he waited outside the mess hall for Rose to be finished so they could go back to work together, but he didn’t want to sit around and do nothing either. He’d begged to be given some kind of job because he couldn’t stand doing nothing all day. No one trusted him, but eventually, it was decided he could work on some equipment under supervision.

He wondered if he’d ever had to fix things before in his previous life, as he’d picked things up quickly. Rose barely had to explain how to do a task before Hux could do it. Or at least, he felt certain he could. She rarely let him do any actual work, instead making him get tools for her and other menial tasks. Still, it was better than nothing.

But Rose was busy with her friends and Hux knew it would be at least twenty minutes before she left the mess hall. Which meant he had twenty minutes in which he could do whatever he wanted. It was a risky idea, but he decided he’d go back to the console he and Rose had been working on earlier and finish fixing it. Maybe if he could prove to Rose he could do the actual work, she’d let him do a little more.

He slipped into the command center, glad that the activity of the room made it so nobody paid much attention to him. Hux quietly made his way to the console and started pulling out the tools. It looked like an easy enough fix. He might even manage to finish before Rose returned.

Hux never had a chance to learn just how good he was at fixing things, as he heard a familiar voice over a radio. He froze in place and listened to Poe’s call and to General Organa’s response. From the sounds of it, Poe’s mission had been successful but he’d run into the First Order and had to lose them before he could return home.

“I think I can lose them in the Locrion system,” Poe’s voice said. “I’ll make a few extra jumps to make sure but -”

“No,” Hux said, walking over to where Organa and the other officers were standing. Soon, every head in the room was on him and he felt nervous. He almost regretted opening his mouth, but he didn’t have a choice.

“Was that Hugs?” Poe asked. “He doesn’t like the plan?”

“You can’t go to the Locrion system,” he said, wishing he knew why. He just knew that there was something there. Something that would be bad for Poe. “I… I think the First Order has some activity in that system.”

“General?” Poe asked. “What do you want me to do?”

“Where do you recommend our people go?” Organa asked. She pressed a button and a map appeared, a flashing orange dot indicating Poe’s position. 

“General, are you sure -” One of the other Resistance officers started to speak, but Organa held up a hand to silence him while Hux looked at the map. He pointed to a system close to Poe’s location but one he knew would be much safer.

“There,” Hux said. “The Noita system.”

“Noita?” Poe asked. “Yeah, we can get there. Thanks, Hugs.”

“Poe,” Organa started to say, but the comm had already clicked off. She turned her attention to Hux, and slowly, everyone else seemed to be looking at him as well. 

“I… um… I’ll just get back to fixing things,” he muttered, glancing back to the console he hadn’t finished repairing yet.

“Armitage,” Organa said, and he froze. “Is there anything else you remember about First Order activity?”

“I… no,” he said shaking his head. “I don’t even know if there’s anything in the Locrion system. It’s just... I have a feeling? I know it’s not much to go on, and I probably shouldn’t have said anything in the first place.”

“Poe is the one who decided to trust you,” Organa said. “I hope it doesn’t turn out to be a mistake.”

Hux nodded, hoping for the same. If Poe didn’t make it back, he didn’t know what he’d do. And if it ended up being his fault that Poe got killed… he didn’t even want to think about that. Given what Poe had done to him, he knew he shouldn’t care, but Poe was the closest thing he had to a friend and he didn’t think his chances of making any others were very good.

“What were you doing in here by yourself?” another officer demanded to know.

“I was working on that console,” he said, pointing to where he’d left his tools. He knew he was in trouble for working unsupervised, but before anyone said anything about that, the door opened and Rose stormed in, marching right up to him.

“I knew you were sending information to the First Order!” she accused.

“I’m not -”

“Just waiting for everyone to be busy so you could sneak in here and send our location back to your people!” 

“I don’t -”

“You should have been locked up the moment you arrived!”

“Rose,” Organa said calmly, drawing Rose’s attention away from Hux. “He just may have saved Poe’s life, as well as the lives of our other pilots. What makes you think he’s sending information out?”

“He snuck in here on his own! Why else would he be here? You can’t honestly say you trust him! Not after what he did to -”

“Rose!” Organa cut her off, but Hux wanted to know what she’d planned on saying. He hadn’t given it much thought before, but surely just about anyone on the base could tell him what he had done. And he worked closely enough with Rose it should be easy enough to get her to tell him.

“Sorry, General,” Rose said.

“I know things are difficult right now, but we all need to do our best to remain calm. Rose, if you’d like, I can find someone else to fix that console.”

“No, I’ll do it,” she said, glancing at Hux before walking back to the console. 

“Armitage,” Organa said, stopping him before he could join Rose. “We’ll need to talk later, but for now, I think it might be best if you return to your quarters.”

Hux nodded in agreement. As much as he wanted to talk to Rose, there would be time for that later. He wasn’t about to argue with General Organa. He might tower over her, but he knew from the moment he met her that she was not someone to cross. As he walked out of the command center, he glanced at Rose, who glared at him in return. He’d definitely need to ask her about what he did, sure that she wouldn’t care about sparing his feelings.

Once he’d left, he considered not returning to his quarters. After all, everyone was busy in the command center and had more important things to worry about than exactly where he’d gone. Perhaps he could find someone else who would tell him about his past. Before he could give that idea much consideration, the door opened behind him and a short blonde woman stepped into the hallway.

“I’m escorting you to your quarters,” she said, hardly looking at him before continuing down the hall. Apparently, the general had forseen his plan. 

As he followed the woman, Hux decided he might as well try his luck and see if he could learn anything from her. “What’s your name?”

She didn’t answer, which didn’t come as a surprise to Hux. But her silence at least confirmed that like nearly everyone else in the Resistance, she didn’t like him. That step had been unnecessary, but it would have been nice to be wrong.

“I really don’t know what I did to make everyone hate me,” he said. “I’m sure I deserve it, but I’d really like to know what I’ve done.”

“My job is to escort you, not talk to you.”

Hux didn’t say anything else until they arrived at his door. He opened it but only stood inside the doorway as he turned to face the woman. “Can’t you at least tell me what I did?”

Instead of saying anything, she took a step towards him and pushed him backwards so he was in the room. She then stepped back and closed the door, leaving him alone. He was a bit surprised he hadn’t managed to learn anything, but he’d just have to try again with someone else. Whatever he’d done, it must have been major, so anyone on the base could probably tell him. He just had to find the right person.

With nothing to do, he laid down on his bed and stared up at the bottom of the bunk above his. It didn’t take long for him to wish he’d at least requested something to read. He considered leaving and asking someone, but besides Poe and Organa, he didn’t imagine anyone would care that he was bored. 

He didn’t know how long he spent staring blankly above him, but at some point, he had fallen asleep, because the next thing he knew, he was opening his eyes and very quickly became aware that he was no longer alone in the room. Sitting up, he focused his attention on the young woman sitting at the small table. He’d seen her when he’d first arrived and caught glimpses of her a few times since, but Poe talked about her often enough he almost felt like he knew her.

“Rey, right?” he asked. “You’re a Jedi.”

“I’m not sure if I can call myself that yet,” she said. “But someday, I hope. Anyway, Leia, I mean, General Organa wanted to see you.”

He nodded and stood up, wondering why they would have sent the Jedi girl to retrieve him. Surely she hadn’t been sent to keep him in line, as he knew he hadn’t caused any trouble. But he couldn’t think of another explanation. He tried not to think of it as he followed her out the door.

Almost as soon as he’d stepped outside of the room, he stepped back as someone came running towards them. For a brief moment, he thought someone was trying to attack them, but when the man put his arms around Rey, he recognized him. Hux hadn’t seen the man since he arrived, but he knew that he must have done something terrible to him.

“Finn!” Rey said. “What are you doing?”

“You’d been in there so long,” Finn said, still holding onto Rey. Hux tried not to look at them as they held each other. “I could feel you in the Force, but I was still worried something had happened. You’re okay, right?”

“I’m fine,” she said. From the corner of his eye, Hux could see that Finn had finally pulled away slightly. “What about you? Are you okay?”

Hux decided to tune them out, assuming they would simply ask each other if they were both okay for a while. He considered walking away and trying to find Organa on his own, but even though she didn’t look like much, he didn’t want to give the Jedi any reason to go after him. Finally, she turned her attention back to him and they continued on their way, now accompanied by the former stormtrooper.

Rey led him to the command center, which contained far less people than it had earlier. General Organa was there along with another female officer that Hux hadn’t met before. More importantly, several pilots stood in a group on the far side of the room, and Poe was among them. His first thought was to immediately go over to him, but he remembered that he hadn’t come there to see his friend.

Not that he wanted to think of Poe as his friend. Still, it was the best he would get for a long time judging by how everyone else treated him. Although the Jedi didn’t seem to have the same hatred for him that the others did. He’d have to keep that in mind for later.

“Hugs!” Poe’s shout distracted Hux from his train of thought and he saw the pilot walking over to him, a huge smile on his face. “You saved our lives!”

“I did?” Hux was about to ask how when he’d been asleep for several hours, but before he could do so, Poe threw his arms around him. By the time Hux managed to push him away, the other pilots were around them. At first, Hux thought they meant trouble, but they were smiling and muttering their thanks.

“I’ll catch up with you later,” Poe said to the other pilots. “I’m going to stay here for a little while.”

Hux hated that he felt relieved at that. He shouldn’t want Poe in the same room, yet he couldn’t help but feel happy that he was going to be nearby. At the same time, he really couldn’t blame himself. Even if he should hate Poe for bringing him to the Resistance, he at least was nice to him. It was impossible to hate him, no matter how much he tried.

“Armitage,” Organa said. “We sent a scout to the Locrion system, and you were correct about First Order activity there. I’d like to see if we might be able to spark any other memories.”

Hux nodded and glanced at Rey. He remembered when he first arrived and she had done something to him - he wasn’t quite sure what - but he wasn’t looking forward to a repeat of that. If he truly did know what the First Order was doing, he wondered if Organa would go to any lengths to get that information. It would only make sense if she did - he was only one person and if everyone was to be believed, not someone worth caring about.

Poe might stop it if things went too far. At least, Hux hoped he might. But he probably couldn’t do anything to stop the Jedi. At most, he would be nothing but a friendly face to be present.

“We’re just going to look at maps for the moment,” Organa said, pressing a button and activating a hologram. Her words didn’t do much to alleviate his fears, but at least she planned on starting out with something simple. “I just want you to look them over and see if you can remember anything at all.”

Hux couldn’t imagine that would help him remember anything, but he was willing to give it a try. He turned his head when he felt a hand on his shoulder and saw Poe standing next to him. Somehow, he’d managed to remember _something_ earlier. He didn’t know how, but it at least meant it was possible.

He smiled at Poe before turning his attention to the map. Even if he didn’t remember anything else, at least he remembered enough to help Poe.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A tag was added, but that's for the next chapter.

After checking his quarters and the command center, Poe started looking in more unusual places for Hux. He checked the mess hall and the recreation areas, but he didn’t find him there. That didn’t come as a surprise. But he couldn’t think of any other likely place he might be. 

Poe wandered around the base and eventually found his way outside where he heard some a familiar beep in the forest surrounding their base. He followed the sound, which was soon joined by voices and he soon found Rey, Finn, and BB-8. Rey and Finn were sitting on the ground, Finn with his arm extended. In front of him, BB-8 floated in the air.

He stood back and watched, smiling as BB-8 whistled a greeting at him. Rey turned her head and smiled at him, then put her hand on Finn’s shoulder. She said something that Poe couldn’t hear. BB-8 slowly lowered back to the ground, and Finn and Rey stood up.

“You were doing that, Finn?” Poe asked as his droid rolled up to him, telling him all about how he was helping Finn with his Jedi training. 

“Yeah,” Finn said with a smile. “We were just about to head in. Sorry if we took BB-8 away from you.”

“I wasn’t looking for them,” Poe said as they started walking back towards the base.

“You came out here for something,” Rey said. “You were looking for someone, weren’t you?”

“Yeah,” Poe admitted, quickly glancing at Finn. “Hux. You haven’t seen him, have you?”

“I try not to,” Finn said.

“I know. I’m just worried about him.” He really hadn’t wanted to talk about Hux in front of Finn - the former general was a topic they’d managed to mostly avoid. Poe understood why Finn hated Hux so much and was glad he had decided to avoid him, as more drastic action would be completely reasonable. 

“You think this whole memory loss thing’s an act?”

“I’m pretty sure it’s not,” Poe said, shaking his head. “I don’t think he’s doing well, though. Not taking care of himself.”

“Good.”

“Poe,” Rey said before he could respond to Finn, “why are you so certain he’s not faking it?”

“You and Leia both agreed he’s telling the truth,” he said.

“Yes, but you were pretty sure before we even saw him,” Rey said. “And you changed your plans when he suggested it, which means you must trust him. It just seems strange.”

They had made it back to the main entrance of the base and Poe stopped, not wanting to talk about him and Hux inside where others might overhear. “I know it seems a bit crazy, but if you’d seen him in that bar, I think you’d realize it’s not an act.”

“But how can you be so sure?” Finn asked.

“There’s some things you just wouldn’t do, no matter what,” Poe explained. “I wasn’t entirely sure myself, but after a few hours, it was pretty obvious he had no idea who I was.”

“A few hours?” Finn asked.

“What were you doing all that time?” Rey added.

“We, uh, we talked for a bit,” Poe said. “And just everything about the way he was acting, you know?”

“You slept with him,” Rey said. It wasn’t even a question, and for a moment, Poe almost wondered if she’d read his mind. He knew she was capable of it, but he didn’t think she actually would. 

“What?” Finn asked, eyes wide.

“Why would you think that?” Poe asked, hoping he sounded casual.

“You, um…” Rey looked away and Poe could see her face turning red. “It’s a very strong memory. And you were thinking about it, and um. I accidentally…” 

Rey turned and quickly walked into the base, and Finn was quick to follow, leaving Poe alone outside. At first, he was tempted to chase after Rey and find out exactly what she found out, but he quickly decided he’d rather not know. Besides, he still hadn’t found Hux.

He checked their quarters again and then since he didn’t have any better ideas, he started wandering around the base. When he wandered into the hangar, he noticed Rose was there, working on one of the ships. Although he knew she didn’t like Hux anymore than anyone else, she had been working with him, and perhaps she knew where he was.

“Hey, Rose,” Poe said as he made his way over to her. “You haven’t seen Hux around anywhere, have you?”

“Unfortunately,” she grumbled, keeping her attention on her work.

“Where -”

She grunted and pointed behind her without ever taking her eyes off what she was doing. Poe looked in the direction she pointed and at first, he didn’t see anything, but he noticed an out of place lump under a blanket and saw a trace of orange hair.

“Thanks, Rose,” he said, leaving her to her work and going over to see Hux.

Poe couldn’t help but smile at how peaceful Hux looked while sleeping. He always seemed to be frowning when awake. He hadn’t looked so calm since Poe had first met him. It was hard to resist the temptation to run his hands through his hair, but Poe didn’t think he’d appreciate that, and instead, he settled for putting his hand on his shoulder.

“Hey, buddy,” he said. Before he’d finished speaking, Hux shot up, waking up almost instantly.

“Sorry,” he said, as he started to stand up but he focused his attention on Poe. “What’re you doing here?”

“Looking for you,” Poe said. “The better question is what are you doing here? You have a bed, you know.”

“I’m working,” he said, pushing the blanket off of him.

“Doesn’t look like it,” Poe said. “Come on. You’ll sleep better in bed.” Poe offered his hand to help him up, but Hux ignored it and stood up on his own.

“I have work to do.” He started to walk away, but Poe grabbed his arm as he walked by. Hux scowled at him. “What are you doing?”

“You need to take care of yourself,” Poe said.

“I’m fine,” Hux insisted, trying to pull away from him, but Poe refused to let him go.

“You’re sleeping on the floor of the hangar,” Poe reminded him. “And you’re skinnier than when I met you. So I don’t think you’re eating much either.”

“That’s not any of your business,” he snapped.

“Yeah, well, I’m making it my business. Look, just because no one else likes you doesn’t mean you can hurt yourself like this. I care about you too much to let you do that.”

Hux stopped moving and stared at Poe, his mouth hanging open. Feeling like he wouldn’t simply walk away anymore, Poe let go of him, and Hux stayed where he was. “What’s that supposed to mean?” he finally asked.

“Sorry,” Poe said. “I didn’t meant that no one likes you. I -”

“Not that,” Hux interrupted. “The other thing. You… you care about me?”

“Well, yeah, of course I do,” Poe said. 

“I wasn’t aware that having sex with someone under misleading circumstances, drugging them, kidnapping them and bringing them to a place where everyone hates them for unknown reasons is what you do to show someone you care. I’d hate to see what you do if you don’t like someone.”

Poe couldn’t meet Hux’s eyes as he listed off his offenses. Because Hux hadn’t mentioned any of the things he’d done since he arrived, Poe had hoped it wasn’t going to be an issue. But he had clearly been wrong. “I’m sorry,” he said.

“You say that a lot.” Hux started to walk away, but Poe grabbed him by the arm again. This time, he didn’t try to pull away. He just turned around.

“I know I have a lot to make up for, but you can at least let me try. Just come with me.”

“I’m busy.”

“No, you’re not,” Rose called from where she was working. Poe wondered just how much of their conversation she’d heard. “Please take him, Poe.”

“That settles it,” Poe said, pulling on his arm as he started walking out of the hangar. “Let’s go.”

Hux didn’t put up any resistance and followed Poe out of the hangar. Poe didn’t think Hux would walk away, but he kept hold of his hand anyway as he led him through the base. Although he had seen that Hux needed to sleep, he seemed alert enough for the moment, and he needed food as well as sleep.

Poe walked into the mess hall and for a brief moment, everything seemed perfectly fine. But he still held Hux’s wrist and it didn’t take long for people to take notice. He didn’t pay any attention to them and walked with Hux over to the food line. His first thought was to get as much food as he possibly could, but he wasn’t sure if he’d be able to convince Hux to eat it all and he didn’t want it to go to waste.

He had to let go of Hux once he had his tray but he followed him over to a table and sat across from him. Poe pushed the tray in front of Hux but he didn’t seem to notice it and instead appeared fixated on something over Poe’s shoulder.

“Hey,” he said, lightly tapping Hux’s shin with his foot, which brought Hux’s attention to him. “Eat something.”

“I’m not hungry,” Hux said, glancing at the tray before looking back up.

“You’re thin,” Poe said. 

“Thanks for pointing that out. I hadn’t noticed.”

“I mean you’re thinner than when we met,” Poe clarified. “You should eat something. Or everything.”

“I’m fine.”

Poe sighed. He hadn’t thought it would be so easy, but he hoped it might. But he was determined to make Hux take better care of himself. Fortunately, he already had a plan for the exact situation he found himself in.

“I can’t tell you everything about who you were before,” Poe said, “but I can answer some questions for you. Ask whatever you want and I’ll answer as best I can. But if I do that, I want you to eat something.”

For several moments, Poe thought Hux would be stubborn enough to reject the offer - the other man just sat there staring at him. But then, he grabbed something off the tray and took a bite.

“I know you won’t tell me what I did to make everyone hate me,” he said. “But did I kill someone?”

“Yes,” Poe said. 

“And it was intentional?”

“Yes.”

“I see.” Hux continued to eat, but remained silent for a while. Poe had expected far more questions than just two. He waited, but Hux said nothing, and Poe was glad for that. There were so many things he couldn’t tell him and he would have hated to leave every question without an answer.

“Can you tell me who I killed?” Hux finally asked.

“Not really,” Poe answered.

“Someone important? I can assume that much. Otherwise, no one would care. So did I shoot them? I don’t ever remember using a blaster or anything.”

“You didn’t do it directly,” Poe explained. “But you gave the order.”

“Right. Because I was a general. So getting directly involved was probably below me.” Hux fell silent once again, but then he spoke up again. “It was more than one person.”

“Yeah, it was.” Poe knew he couldn’t tell him the details or even how many deaths he was responsible for, but he couldn’t lie and pretend it was only one person he had killed. Hux was too smart to believe it anyway.

Hux didn’t respond or ask any more questions until he had finished eating. When he was done, he looked at Poe, watching him silently before speaking. “Why don’t you hate me?”

“Why would I?” Poe asked with a shrug. 

“Because I’m a terrible person.”

“You were,” Poe said. He stood up and took the tray from him, and he was glad to see Hux was following him. “I know you’re not the same person you were. You’re trying. You’re trying to help us out even though you have no reason to. I feel like that means you’re a good person.”

“Well, you’re the only one who thinks so.”

“That’s not…” Poe sighed, not seeing any point in lying. He didn’t think Hux was the type who might feel better with a lie. “Okay, so maybe it’s true, but if you give people enough time, they’ll see you like I do. I can probably help if you’d like.”

“Help how?”

Poe took his hand and inched closer, watching for any sign that Hux didn’t want him to keep going. His other hand reached up to his face and he brushed his thumb across his cheek. By that time, Poe was standing with his body against his, but Hux made no move to get away. Poe’s hand wrapped around the back of his head and pulled him down and gently placed his lips on his. 

He broke the kiss shortly but kept a hold of Hux’s hand even as he took a step back. Hux looked confused so Poe didn’t try for another kiss. Instead, he smiled at Hux and then headed for the door, still holding his hand. He knew everyone else in the room was probably staring, but he didn’t even look at them. They could think whatever they wanted. 

Poe led Hux to their room and once they were inside, he finally let go of his hand. He wanted to kiss him again now that they were alone, but Hux hadn’t been very enthusiastic about the last one. And that wasn’t the reason Poe had brought him there.

“Get some rest,” Poe said. “We can talk some more when you wake up.”

Hux nodded and did as Poe asked without argument. He’d been so silent since Poe had told him about what he’d done, and he really couldn’t blame him. It was unusual for Hux, but Poe decided it was best not to push him. He’d give him some time to think things over, but Poe would stay close by just in case.

He removed his boots and climbed up to the top bunk. As long as he was waiting for Hux, he might as well get some rest as well since he didn’t have anywhere else to be. He was just starting to drift off when he heard Hux speak below him.

“Hey, Dameron?”

“Yeah?”

“Thanks. For telling me. And… and for being nice.”

“No problem, Hugs,” Poe said, smiling just a little.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The suicidal thoughts tag applies to this chapter if anyone needs or wants to avoid it.

Hux knew he was alone when he woke up, having heard Poe on the comm and then leaving. He hadn’t moved and pretended to be asleep as Poe left, which meant he was fully aware of Poe’s actions. Before he’d left, Poe had gently touched the side of his face and ran his fingers through his hair while promising to return as soon as he could.

It was rather sweet, Hux thought, and he was surprised at how genuine Poe seemed to be. Perhaps it wasn’t all some act. It was almost enough to make him stop looking for answers and just let Poe tell him what he thought he needed to know. And if that kiss was any indication, he might even find happiness with the pilot.

Almost as soon as he thought about that, he reminded himself of all the reasons that would be a terrible idea. He was not going to fall in love with Poe Dameron or have any sort of relationship with the man, no matter how attractive Hux found him or how nice he was.

Not wanting to think of Poe any longer, he decided he would once again try to get some answers. He put his boots on and left the room, wondering who might tell him what he wanted to know. The officers he immediately dismissed. They’d already made it clear they wouldn’t tell him a thing. Except Poe, but even he didn’t tell him everything.

His next thought was Finn, the former stormtrooper. He probably wouldn’t just tell him, but Hux didn’t think it would be too difficult to get him worked up, and then, he might let something slip. If Hux thought he could get him alone, he might have considered that plan, but he had never seen Finn without Rey, and he was certain the Jedi wouldn’t let things get that far. And of course, Poe had mentioned Finn was training as a Jedi as well, and Hux wanted to keep his distance from any Jedi.

As he wandered through the base, he passed by several people, but no one spoke to him. A few times, he considered stopping someone and asking them about the details of what he’d done, but he didn’t feel like that would go over well. If the others knew how much he wanted to know, they’d surely never tell him.

Hux froze as he heard a familiar voice coming from a nearby room. He listened for several moments and managed to pick out Poe, Rey, Finn, and Rose’s voices from the room along with two others he couldn’t identify. Not wanting to risk being seen, he turned around. 

Once again, he wasn’t quite paying attention to where he was going and ended up in the hangar. There wasn’t much activity there and since Hux could finally see outside, he noticed it was nighttime. It had been the middle of the day when he’d fallen asleep and he couldn’t believe he’d slept so long. 

It really shouldn’t have been a surprise; he had spent the past several days hardly sleeping at all, trying his hardest to remember anything about the First Order. He’d probably still be at it if General Organa hadn’t insisted he needed to take a break. Of course, he’d then tried going back to work helping Rose fix things, although he’d been just about useless at that. Organa had suggested that resting and giving it more time might help in their endeavors to spark his memory.

He walked over to a stolen TIE Fighter, looking at the ship as if it might contain some hidden clues about his life before. Nothing came to mind as he ran his hand across a solar panel. If he hadn’t been told otherwise, he would have said it was the first time he’d ever seen a starfighter of its kind. 

“You’re not supposed to be here.”

Hux turned quickly to see three men behind him, two Twi’leks and a human. He’d seen one of the Twi’leks before - he wore a mechanic’s jumpsuit and Hux was sure he’d seen him while helping Rose. The other two Hux couldn’t remember seeing before. But he knew they didn’t like him, and he didn’t want any trouble. Hopefully, they weren’t looking for any.

“I was hoping I might remember something if I took a closer look at it,” Hux said, glancing back at the starfighter.

“You came into the hangar on your own,” said the Twi’lek Hux didn’t recognize. “Long after most people have already left and you went right to the only First Order craft we have.”

“Well, I am trying to remember the First Order,” Hux said, glancing behind the others, wondering if he could manage to get away if things took a turn for the worse.

“Or you’re up to something,” said the mechanic. “Maybe you need to be taught a lesson.”

Hux didn’t back away as the men stepped towards him, somehow knowing he’d endured far worse in his life. Still, he hoped he might manage to talk them out of it. “I don’t think it’ll be very satisfying to beat me up. I don’t even know what it is I’ve done.”

“Guess no one’s told you about Starkiller.”

“Starkiller?”

“Yeah. Starkiller. The Hosnian system. You really don’t remember?”

Hux shook his head, glancing at the mechanic who now had a datapad in his hands. If he was busy with that, then perhaps they weren’t planning on hurting him. He finally had what he needed to know - he just had to get away from the men and find some way to look up Starkiller. Whatever it was, it didn’t sound good.

Before he could say anything, the datapad was in his face. He took it from the man and read over the words, sure it wasn’t true. What he was reading didn’t even sound possible. Surely they had made it up. It couldn’t be true. He couldn’t be responsible for something so horrible.

He pushed his way past the men, no longer even caring if they meant to harm him. It was far more important that he find Poe as soon as possible. Poe would tell him the truth, tell him that nothing that he’d just read was true. He just had to find him. 

Fortunately, Poe was right where Hux remembered hearing him. He walked into the room, ignoring all the others and walked up to Poe. Everyone looked at him, but he didn’t care. He needed to know.

“Is…” He choked as he tried to speak and he realized tears were running down his cheeks. “Is it true? Did I…” 

He found himself unable to say it out loud and instead, he simply handed the datapad to Poe. The pilot barely glanced at it before he was on his feet, cursing.

“Hux, kriff. Who showed this to you? Nevermind that. Are you okay?”

“Is it true?” Hux asked again, although from Poe’s reaction, he already knew the truth. 

“I’ll help you back to our quarters,” Poe said, taking his arm, but Hux immediately pulled himself away.

“Just tell me the truth!”

“I… it’s…” Poe glanced around, not looking at Hux at all. Finally, his gaze settled on the floor with a sigh. “It’s true.”

Hux couldn’t believe it, didn’t want to believe it. How could he have done something so horrible and then forgotten all about it? He could have believed it was fake until Poe confirmed it. If there was one thing Hux was certain of, it was that Poe would never lie to him. Not about something like this.

Knowing he had killed people was one thing, but knowing he was responsible for the deaths of billions… now he had no idea what he was supposed to do. Certainly, he needed to be locked up. Or executed. He didn’t deserve better than that. He couldn’t believe the Resistance had allowed him to be free. They should have shot him on sight. Surely they would rectify that situation soon.

He didn’t remember leaving the room where he had found Poe, nor did he recall walking anywhere. But he must have, because he found himself in a hallway and he wasn’t quite sure where he was. Not knowing what else do, he slumped down against a wall. Someone would either find im and put him out of his misery or perhaps he would just be left there to die. Hux didn’t really care. Maybe he could find a blaster and end things himself.

After a while, Hux had no more tears, but his body still shook with sobs. It was too much for him to handle, knowing what he’d done. He knew he’d never be okay again. Not that he deserved anything better.

He heard footsteps approaching, but he didn’t bother too look up. Hopefully it was someone coming to shoot him, but to his surprise, he didn’t hear a blaster. Instead, they stopped next to him and he felt something placed on his back. He hadn’t even realized he was shivering.

“Hux,” Poe said softly. His voice was kind, not filled with contempt like Hux expected. As it should have been.

Hux glanced up at the other man and didn’t see any hatred on his face. Only concern. That didn’t seem right. He knew Poe should hate him just like everyone else did. They were right to hate him. Surely Poe must as well. Perhaps he was simply better at hiding it, although Hux didn’t know why he’d bother.

“I’m sorry you found out that way,” Poe said. Out of the corner of his eye, Hux saw him taking a seat next to him on the floor. He wanted to tell him to go away, but he just didn’t have the energy. “Is there anything I can do to make you feel better?”

Hux looked over at him, unable to believe the other man was serious. But Poe didn’t look like he was joking. More tears began to fall and he looked down again. Poe shouldn’t be so nice to him. The last thing he deserved was kindness.

Poe put an arm around him and Hux knew he should push him away. He knew he shouldn’t let someone like Poe treat him in such a way after what he’d done. Even so, he couldn’t resist the gentle touch and he leaned into it, and soon, Poe wrapped his other arm around him and held him against his chest. Hux cried into him, his tears soaking Poe’s shirt.

“You’re gonna be okay,” Poe whispered once he started to calm down. He rubbed Hux’s back and he felt him kiss the top of his head.

“Why are you doing this?”

“Doing what?”

“Being nice to me. You shouldn’t.”

“Because I like you,” Poe said, still rubbing his back. “You’re my friend. And you don’t deserve to go through this alone.”

“Yes I do,” Hux said as he finally pushed himself away, but desperately wanting Poe’s arms around him once again. “I’m a horrible person. I murdered all those people. I don’t deserve to live.”

“That’s not true,” Poe said, reaching out to put a hand on his shoulder, but Poe brushed him off.

“Of course it’s true! I destroyed entire planets, Poe! How can you not hate me?”

“You’re not really the same man who did that,” Poe said with a shrug. “That man I don’t imagine cared at all about it. But you’re different. I know the person you are now wouldn’t do that.”

“You don’t know that. You don’t know anything about me. I don’t know anything about me. Poe, what if I remember who I am and hurt more people? Why haven’t you killed me?”

“I’ll be honest with you,” Poe said. “We’ve talked about that. Not killing you. But if you might just remember being General Hux and blow us all up. Some people - a lot of people - thought you needed to be locked up. But Leia and Rey didn’t think you’d just suddenly remember. And why lock you up for something you don’t remember doing? It’d be pointless.”

“I still killed them,” Hux said. “I deserve to be executed.”

“Maybe. But what good would that do?”

“It’ll make sure I never hurt anyone again. And why should I get to live when billions don’t because I killed them?”

“Because you can help us stop the First Order. You remembered one tiny detail, Hux, and it very well might have saved my life and the life of the other pilots. Who knows what else you might remember? There’s not really any way to make up for what you did, but you can still make the galaxy a better place.”

Poe stood up and Hux looked back to the floor. Now that Poe seemed ready to leave, Hux realized how much he appreciated the company. He really didn’t want to be alone, but he wasn’t about to admit that to the pilot.

“Look, if you really want to be locked up, I’m sure we can arrange that. And maybe you’re right. Maybe you deserve to be locked away forever. But you have a chance to make a difference. It’s up to you if you want to take it.”

Poe held his hand out and Hux looked at it for several moments before slowly reaching out to him. As soon as his hand touched Poe’s, the other man closed his fingers around his hand and pulled him to his feet. Hux stumbled slightly but Poe had his arms around him to help stabilize him.

Once he was steady on his feet, Poe let go of him, except his hand which he still held tightly in his own. He smiled and then pulled him along. Hux didn’t know where Poe was taking him, but he trusted him. There were still many things that Hux was uncertain of, but the fact that Poe was a good man was not one of them.

He realized he didn’t even care about the circumstances of arriving at the base anymore. In fact, he was glad Poe had kidnapped him. No one in their right mind would have left someone as terrible as him on his own. He was just glad that it had been Poe who had found him and not any of the other Resistance members. And he hoped Poe was right in that he just might be able to become a slightly less terrible person.


	6. Chapter 6

Finn sat outside where he and Rey usually went for their training. He almost never went out there alone, preferring to be with Rey wherever he went, but she was meeting with Leia and he found that he couldn’t concentrate inside the base. Of course, going out on his own was less helpful than he'd hoped. Although he wasn't distracted by certain presences in the Force, he couldn't pick up on any of the various lifeforms in the forest around him like Rey could do. Of course, Rey could sense every living thing on the planet.

He knew it would take time and he wasn’t upset or frustrated that he couldn’t quite do it yet. Instead, it was one of the people that he could sense that bothered him. It hadn’t been a problem until two days before when he’d seen Hux in tears. Not only that, but he’d felt the other man’s anguish in the Force.

As much as Finn hated General Hux, he finally realized what Poe had known all along - that man was a completely different person. And now that he could feel him in the Force so clearly, Finn couldn’t help but feel bad for the man. He had been determined to despise him, but he had no idea what he’d even done. And he'd been absolutely horrified when he'd found out about one thing he'd done. How could Finn continue to hold it against him? 

Realizing he wasn’t going to get very far in his practice, he stood up to go inside. As he did so, he felt someone heading towards him and he couldn’t help but smile and run towards her. Rey apparently had the same idea, because she was running when he saw her. They embraced as soon as they met and as they started to break apart, Rey kept his head close and kissed him.

“I missed you,” she said once they had broken apart. “Any luck with the training?”

“No,” he said, shaking his head. “I’ve been a little distracted lately.”

“I’ve noticed,” she said, grabbing his hand and walking back towards the base. “Anything I can help you with?”

“I don’t know. Maybe.” He really didn’t want to talk about it, but he knew he could trust Rey with anything. “It’s Hux. His presence has been distracting lately.”

“Oh, well, it’s good that you’ve picked up on that,” Rey said. “Although maybe we need to start working on how to block things out. I’ve been blocking him out for a while. He's kind of a lot to deal with. Especially now.”

“That’d be great, but…” Finn stopped and Rey turned so they were facing each other. “I feel like I should do something. Like I’ve been too hard on him. But then I also feel like I shouldn’t care about him at all. Maybe you’re right and I just need to block him.”

“I know it’s hard for you,” Rey said, pulling him into a hug. “No one would ever blame you for hating him. But I do think it’s nice that you’d even think of trying to help him. Most people probably wouldn’t.”

She smiled at him as she pulled away, and looking at her face, Finn knew he’d had the right idea. Anything that made Rey smile was surely the best plan. Still, he found it hard to be in the same room as Hux. He didn’t know how he was going to do anything more than that.

“You can just try talking to him,” Rey said as they started walking again. “Poe’s the only person who ever does talk to him. He’s lonely. I think he might appreciate having someone else around.”

“I can try,” Finn said. “You’ll come with me, right?”

“Of course,” Rey said, giving his hand a squeeze. “I’ve thought about trying to talk to him before, but I didn’t know how to ask you if it would be okay.”

Finn almost told her he wouldn’t have cared if she had been spending time with him, but when he really thought about it, he realized he wouldn’t have liked the idea. Even though he knew Rey could take care of herself, the hated the idea of her being around someone so dangerous. Now that he’d seen a far different side of Hux - the man had been sobbing - he wasn’t quite so worried.

Even so, when he stood in the doorway to a room and saw Hux sitting at a table, he froze. Poe sat across the table from him, and seemed to be having a very animated discussion with himself. Hux wasn’t even looking at Poe, just staring down at his hands on the table. 

“You can do this later,” Rey said softly. 

“I need to do it now,” Finn said. “Or I never will.” He held Rey’s hand until he made it halfway through the room and let go. He’d almost made it to the table when Hux looked up and Finn froze again. Reminding himself that Hux didn’t remember him, he started forward again, but was soon stopped by Poe, who had stood up and put himself between Finn and Hux.

“Hey, Finn, buddy,” he said. “Did you need something? We can talk somewhere else.”

“I’m actually here for him,” Finn said, stepping around Poe and sitting down in the seat Poe had vacated.

Hux looked between him and Poe, who sat down on Finn’s left side, while Rey took the seat on the right. He felt Rey’s leg against his, and he took a deep breath. He could do this. 

“Are you feeling any better?” Finn asked, even though he already knew the answer, having felt him in the Force. He definitely wasn’t in the same place he’d been when he found out about Starkiller, but Finn still felt his pain. He told himself that the Hux in front of him didn’t necessarily deserve it.

Hux nodded in response to Finn’s question and then looked to Poe. Finn could see Poe shrug out of the corner of his eye, but he kept his attention focused on Hux. He hadn’t really planned out what he was going to say to him, having been so focused on just making it into the room.

“I should have been kinder to you,” Finn said finally. “I should have listened to Poe when he said you were different. If I added to your suffering in anyway, I’m sorry.”

“You don’t have to apologize,” Hux said, his voice far quieter than Finn had ever heard it. Even his body language was different, and he seemed so small, like he was trying to curl into himself enough that he might just disappear. “From what I understand, I owe you the apology. I’m certain that I deserve far worse from you.”

“Um,” Finn wasn’t sure what to say to that. Because it was true, but he didn’t want to say it. He wanted to try to make Hux feel better, not worse. 

“I know I’m a terrible person,” Hux muttered. “You were right to hate me.”

“Hey, Hux,” Poe said, reaching across the table and resting his hand on top of Hux’s. “We talked about you thinking that way.”

“I can’t help it,” Hux said. “And I’d rather not talk about it right now.”

Finn glanced at Rey and started thinking it might be best to just leave. But he didn’t feel like he’d done enough. Obviously, Hux wasn’t in the mood for anyone to be nice to him, but Finn still wanted to try. He just wasn’t sure if there was anything he could say that Hux would accept.

“Anyway,” Rey said, saving Finn from having to figure out what to say, “Finn and I just wanted you to know that if you ever want someone else to talk to, you can talk to either of us. Or if you just want to sit with someone for a bit.”

Hux nodded slowly, and Finn wasn’t sure if he looked more surprised or confused. Deciding he’d said as much as he could, he stood up and left. As soon as he was out of the room, he grabbed Rey’s hand.

It didn’t take long for Rey to pull him into her arms, and Finn melted into her. He hadn’t realized how terrified he’d been until it was over. All he wanted was to stay right there in her arms.

_You’re safe now,_ Rey said in his mind. _You did good._

_Thanks, Rey,_ Finn said, although he didn’t know for sure if she heard him. He hadn’t had enough practice with telepathic communication, but she kissed the top of his head, and he thought she must have got the message.

\---

“Did you put them up to that?” Hux asked once the Jedi had left. 

“No,” Poe said. “I’m just as surprised as you are. But see? I told you that not everyone hates you.”

“That makes three of you,” Hux muttered. “And I’m pretty sure they don’t like me. They just hate me less.” He still didn’t believe that Poe hadn’t asked them to say something nice to him. But when he thought about it, it was really nice that Poe would go through so much effort. Maybe everyone hated him - and with good reason - but at least Poe really did care.

“I’m tired,” Hux said, standing up and heading for the door. He hadn’t meant it, but as he walked towards Poe’s quarters, he realized he really was tired. Somehow, just sitting and having a very brief conversation had exhausted him. 

He wasn’t surprised to find that Poe decided to follow him. The pilot hadn’t left his side since he’d learned about Starkiller, and Hux wasn’t sure if it was because he’d been ordered to keep an eye on him or if he actually cared. Maybe it was a little bit of both.

Hux climbed into his bed, too tired to even bother taking his clothes off. He laid down on his side, facing away from Poe, not moving at all, hoping that Poe might think he was asleep and leave him alone. To his surprise, he felt Poe sitting down next to him with a hand on his shoulder.

“I wish there was something I could do to help,” Poe said. 

“You can just leave me,” Hux muttered. “I don’t deserve to have anyone be nice to me.”

“You say that a lot, but you do deserve it. You may have been responsible for Starkiller, but you also saved my life. You’ve been trying to help the Resistance too. So you’re definitely not that terrible.”

Hux rolled over onto his back so he could look at Poe. He didn’t even know what to say, but he was glad he had him. Poe was the only good thing in his life, and although he still had no memories from before, he thought that maybe Poe was the only good thing he’d ever had. He put his hand on Poe’s and very softly said, “Thank you.”

Poe smiled and put his other hand on his cheek. Hux didn’t pull away, not even when Poe leaned down and kissed him. It was a gentle kiss, almost as if Poe was asking permission. Hux answered by kissing him back. When Poe pulled away from him, Hux wanted to hold onto him, but he wasn’t about to let Poe know just how desperate he was for kindness.

“I understand if you want me to go,” Poe said. “But I’d like to stay with you. In bed. But just… would it be okay if I held you?”

That wasn’t what Hux expected and it took him a moment to respond. “You want to hold me?”

“Yeah,” Poe said, glancing away. “But if that’s not what you want, then that’s okay too. I don’t want to make you uncomfortable.”

“No, it’s not that,” Hux said quickly. “I’m only surprised that you’d want to. But I think I’d like that.”

Poe smiled and finally removed his hands from Hux. He removed his boots and then he pulled Hux’s off as well before lying down next to him. Hux moved over so Poe would have more room and the other man wrapped an arm across his chest. 

“Just let me know if this becomes too much,” Poe said. He gave him a quick kiss on the cheek before settling down next to him. 

Having someone next to him was a bit strange, but Hux decided he liked it. Poe was warm against him and he’d never had someone who cared about him so much. He knew Poe was far too good for him. But he’d take what Poe would give for as long as it lasted.


	7. Chapter 7

Hux hated when Poe left on missions since he was the closest thing to a friend he had. He sometimes thought he was too friendly, always wanting to talk and touch him, but Hux really did like it. And when Poe said he’d be leaving on his latest mission, he couldn’t help but dread his absence. It would be the first time he’d be alone since learning what he’d done. Before, he could at least try to talk to the others. But he couldn’t bear to face anyone now that he knew.

But he’d gone with Poe to see him off and as soon as Poe’s X-Wing had taken off, Rey and Finn were at his side. They started talking to him and stayed with him the rest of the day. They were also waiting for him the next morning as well and seemed determined not to leave him alone for any length of time.

That was how Hux found himself outside while they worked on their Jedi training. Hux thought they were just babysitting him and making sure he didn’t cause any trouble, but Rey actually started teaching him as well.

“I’m not a Jedi,” Hux protested. “I can’t do any of that stuff.”

“No,” Rey said, “but anyone can do the basic meditation exercises. And you never know. It might help you.”

“I really don’t see how,” he said. He really wasn’t opposed to trying it, but he was less than thrilled about sitting in the dirt. But the look Rey gave him was enough to let him know he could either sit down willingly, or she would make him sit down.

WIth a loud sigh, he sat on the ground cross legged across from Finn. He followed Rey’s instructions, paying attention to how he was breathing and trying to relax his mind. Some of her instructions were clearly for Finn - such as reach out and feel the Force around you - but Hux did his best.

By the time it was over, Hux realized he was at least a little bit relaxed. He still felt like he must be the worst person in the galaxy, but at least he wasn’t about to break down again. And judging by the position of the sun, he had actually spent quite a bit of time meditating with the Jedi. It wasn’t the worst way to waste a few hours.

“I told you it would be useful,” Rey said as they stood up. Hux brushed as much dirt off his clothes as he could, but he still felt like he was covered in it.

“Are you reading my mind?” he asked. He knew Jedi could do that, but he was surprised she could do it so easily.

“No,” she said. “Not exactly. I can just sorta feel things. And I can tell you feel calmer now. Reading someone’s mind usually takes a bit more effort.”

“I see.” He remembered Rey from when he first arrived. That’s what she had tried to do when Poe brought him to the Resistance. She’d wanted to see if he was telling the truth. As they walked inside the base, Hux wondered just what she could do with the Force.

“Can I ask you something?” he asked her as they sat down in the mess hall. Hux had said he wasn’t hungry, but Rey prepared a tray for him anyway. No doubt under Poe’s orders.

“Sure,” Rey said as she stuffed a large berry in her mouth.

“Can you use the Force to change someone’s memories?” He started tearing at a piece of bread but he only nibbled on it.

“Yes,” she said thoughtfully. “And you can use it to erase someone’s memories too, since I’m sure that’s you’re next question. I’m not reading your mind either, but it is pretty obvious what you’re going for.”

Hux was impressed that she had predicted his next two questions, although he wasn’t entirely certain that she hadn’t read his mind. Still, he remembered her trying when he’d arrived and how he’d felt it and it had been terrifying. He hadn’t felt anything like that. But maybe he'd only felt that way because of how scared he’d been when he realized he’d been kidnapped and taken away from everything he’d ever known.

“I don’t know if I’ve come across any Jedi before,” Hux said, “but do you think it’s possible that’s what happened to me?”

Rey and Finn shared a look, and Hux knew that he must have been fairly close in his guess. The two Jedi seemed to be having a silent conversation - and maybe they actually were speaking telepathically - but finally they looked back at him.

“You, uh, worked closely with a Force user,” Finn said. “His name is Kylo Ren. And Rey and General Organa both think that he’s the one responsible for your… condition.”

Hux was glad to finally know what had caused his memory loss. If he’d been injured, he would have thought he’d have woken up in a hospital, not in a rented room above a bar. And if the Force had caused his memory loss, he wondered if it could fix him as well.

“Do you think you might be able to return my memories with the Force?” he asked.

“Probably,” Rey said. “I don’t think it’ll be pleasant. And I’m not sure if I’m skilled enough to do it.”

“Would you try?” Hux didn’t think he’d like anything about his old self, but he couldn’t stand not knowing anything about his past. Even if they were terrible, he wanted his memories back.

“I’ll need to talk to Leia,” she said. “But I won’t even do that unless you stop playing with your food and actually eat it.”

That seemed like a fair enough deal for Hux, especially since he actually was hungry. Once he was about halfway through, Rey pulled out a comlink and called General Organa. He listened in as he finished eating, and heard that Organa approved the plan, but she wanted it done under armed guard. Which, of course, made perfect sense to Hux. If he became the terrible person he had been before, then it only made sense they would want to be ready to shoot him.

Once they finished eating, Rey led him back to his quarters and he opened the door. Rey then asked him to lay down on his bed, which he did, but she didn’t do anything, just stood there next to Finn, waiting. They were soon joined by two troopers, blasters in hand.

“Okay,” Rey said. “I want you to relax as best you can. I’ll do my best to make sure this doesn’t hurt, but if it is too much, just let me know and we can stop.”

Hux nodded, took a deep breath, and closed his eyes. He prepared himself for the worst, expecting some kind of pain. But as he felt Rey starting to push inside his mind, it wasn’t painful. It was absolutely terrifying. He knew he was going to die in the worst possible way and that he was powerless to stop it. He could hear screaming and crying, and finally, someone calling his name.

As Rey’s presence disappeared from his mind, he realized he’d been the one screaming and crying. He took several deep breaths, but he couldn’t stop shaking. Rey was rubbing his shoulder gently, telling him he was okay, but he wanted Poe. He’d feel much safer if Poe was there.

“Why’d you stop?” Hux asked once he’d calmed down enough to speak.

“I thought that would be obvious,” Rey said. “You’re completely terrified of me going inside your mind like that.”

“But you can just ignore that, right? Just keep going and fix me.”

“No,” Rey said. “Absolutely not. I’m not going to do that to you.”

“Why not? I deserve worse, don’t I?” He looked at Finn, knowing he’d done some terrible things to him. He didn’t know what, but he knew it must have been terrible. Perhaps he’d killed his family or beaten him up.

“I don’t care what you’ve done,” Rey said. “I won’t do that. I’m not like that.”

“Why not? I’m asking you to do it. How else am I supposed to get my memories back?”

“I don’t know, but not like that.” She left no room for argument as she left the room. Finn stayed a few moments longer but he soon followed her, leaving Hux alone with the two armed guards.

“I don’t suppose either of you are Jedi,” he grumbled as he started to stand.

“Stay there,” said one of the guards. An alien of some kind.

Since he wasn’t the one with the weapon, Hux remained seated, but he immediately started looking around the room, searching for anything that might help him defend himself if he needed to. He didn’t know why the guards would want to keep him there if Rey had finished with him, but surely it couldn’t be anything good.

Unfortunately for him, there was nothing he could use as a weapon, which wasn’t a surprise. If they attacked him, trying to escape would be his best option, although he wasn’t sure how well that would work since they were standing at the door. And even if he could escape them, he had no friends on the base.

He was debating whether or not it would even be worth it to defend himself when the door opened and Finn walked back in. “I got him from here,” he told the two guards, who left without saying a word and then Finn turned his attention to Hux. “General Organa wants to talk to you.”

Hux went with him and almost as soon as he stepped outside of his quarters, an idea struck him. “You’re a Jedi too,” he said. “Can you do the thing? With my memory?”

“I’m only in training,” Finn answered with a shake of his head. “I can’t. Even if I could, I’m not sure I would.”

“Why not?”

“Because I’m not going to torture you. Even if you ask me to. The Resistance doesn’t do that.”

Hux realized there was no point trying to convince him otherwise. Even if he did make him believe it was the best thing to do, Finn wouldn’t be able to help him. Apparently, only Rey could do that. Or the one who erased his memories in the first place, but Hux doubted he’d ever run into him again.

They walked the rest of the way to the command center in silence. When they walked in, Hux could hear several people talking over the comms and quickly identified one of the voices as Poe. General Organa glanced up at him and waved him over.

“We’ve engaged the First Order,” Organa explained to him. “If you think of anything that might help, tell me.”

Hux nodded and listened in as Poe and the other pilots battled. He felt completely useless, just standing there and listening. He was about to suggest to Organa that she order Rey to recover his memories, and then, perhaps, he might be useful when he heard a transmission from the enemy ship. A ship which was identified as the _Harbinger_. He nearly jumped when he heard that name. He knew it.

“Did you think of something?” Organa asked.

“I don’t know,” Hux said, frowning. “The name. I know that ship. And I know that there’s something wrong with the starboard engines. It was damaged in a battle and was never fully repaired. It’s a weak spot, but wasn’t considered vulnerable to make full repairs a priority. I don’t know how I know that.”

Organa relayed the information to Poe and the others and then there was nothing to do but wait. Hux worried as he listened that perhaps that information had been wrong or outdated. He hated that they were just accepting what he said as true. If he was wrong, he’d put Poe in danger. He might even get Poe killed. He never should have said anything at all.

Finally, Poe reported that he’d made a direct hit to the starboard engines and that it was severely damaged. Within a few minutes, the reports came in that the ship had been completely destroyed. The rest of the command center broke out in cheers, while Hux just felt relieved. He leaned on the nearest surface and closed his eyes. Somehow he’d been right. Again. He only wished he knew more.

“Thank you, Armitage,” Organa said from right next to him.

He opened his eyes as an idea came to him. Maybe Organa could help him get his memories back. She would certainly have the most incentive for him to do so. “General,” he said. “I must know quite a bit more about the First Order, but I haven’t regained my memories yet.”

“I know,” she said. “Rey informed me that she was unable to restore them.”

“Yes, well, she gave up without actually trying. I was thinking you could order her to finish the job. I’d be able to tell you much more if I knew.”

“Somehow, I suspect that if you do regain your memories, you’ll be less cooperative. But that’s besides the point. I can’t order Rey to do anything. And even if I could, I wouldn’t order her to do that.”

“Why not?” 

“Doing that to you could very well be considered torture.”

“Not if I ask you to do it.”

“It’s more than that. You’re not the only one Kylo Ren has used the Force against. Rey was captured by him, and she refuses to be anything like him. And that means she will not use her powers in a way to cause you harm.”

Hux hadn’t considered that Rey’s refusal was for herself and not simply to spare him. With that new information, it made much more sense why she had stopped and he realized that there would be no convincing her otherwise.

“We’ll find another way to get your memories back,” Organa assured him with a pat on his arm. “It just might take some time. Poe should be back in a few hours. You should probably try to get some rest. You look exhausted.”

Hux nodded, certain he looked just as tired as he felt. Ever since Poe had been gone, he hadn’t slept well, and he doubted he would until he returned. Still, he could tell Organa wanted him out of the room, so he didn’t argue. He returned to his quarters and hoped that Poe would make it back quickly.

He didn’t like being alone.


	8. Chapter 8

Upon returning to the base, Poe wanted to do nothing more than see Hux. He hated that he’d had to leave him, although Finn and Rey had at least agreed to keep an eye on him. Poe knew he was safe, but he couldn’t help but worry about him, especially after he learned about Starkiller.

Unfortunately, Poe had other duties that took priority over checking on Hux. He’d lasted several days without him - he could handle another few hours while he and BB-8 went to their mission debriefing. It was far more important that the general received the information from the mission. Since BB-8 knew everything Poe did, he almost considered just having them go, but he knew Leia wouldn’t be happy if he did that.

He spoke with Leia and several other Resistance commanders, letting them know all the details of his mission and then BB-8 gave them the data he managed to steal. Poe had looked over it while heading back to the base and although he couldn’t fully analyze it, he knew they’d managed to get some good information. It could completely change the war if it was exactly what he thought it was, but he’d leave that to the others to determine.

Once he was dismissed, he went on a search for Rey or Finn. He didn’t know where Hux might be, but they’d agreed to watch him, so if anyone knew, it would be them. He didn’t have to search hard, as he ran into Finn just outside of the command center.

“Glad to see you back, Poe,” Finn said.

“Yeah, glad to be back,” he said. He’d really hoped to run into Rey since he still felt strange to talk about Hux with Finn. At least Finn seemed to hate him less and was talking to him. “You haven’t seen Hux around, have you?”

“He’s in your quarters,” Finn said. “Or he’s supposed to be. Leia sent him there after you guys made the jump to lightspeed on your way back. Haven’t seen him since.”

“Thanks, buddy.” He patted him on the shoulder and headed towards his quarters and hopefully Hux. He’d wanted to ask if he’d been okay, but he didn’t think Finn would want to talk that much about Hux. He knew it was still a sensitive subject.

When he walked inside the door, he saw Hux curled up on his bed, holding tightly onto a pillow. He looked up when Poe walked in the room and when he saw him, he immediately dropped the pillow and jumped to his feet.

“Poe!” he said, a smile almost forming on his face. He’d walked over to him and Poe thought he might hug him, but he didn’t touch him. Guessing that he actually did want to be hugged, Poe pulled him into his arms.

“I missed you,” Poe said as he felt Hux melt against him. “You’ve been taking care of yourself?”

Hux nodded and put an arm around him. Thinking he wasn’t in the mood to talk, Poe just held him until he finally felt Hux let go of him. He did the same, but he kept a hand on him. They looked at each other and Poe wanted nothing more than to kiss him, but he wasn’t sure if Hux would be open to that.

He moved his hand slowly up his arm and towards his neck and Hux did nothing to stop him. When he brought his hand to his cheek, Hux leaned into the touch. Poe then brought his thumb to his lips and lightly brushed his bottom lip. And Hux still didn’t pull away or push him away.

Thinking that maybe Hux would allow it, he leaned in closer and then gently pressed his lips to Hux’s. When Hux didn’t stop him, he pressed harder, but Hux didn’t react. Poe pulled away from him and walked him back to the bed. He sat down and pulled Hux down next to him.

“Is everything all right?” Poe asked. Before he’d left, Hux had been far more enthusiastic about being kissed, and Poe hoped he hadn’t done something wrong.

“I’m fine,” he said. “I’m just not feeling my best. Haven’t slept well since you’ve been gone and I don’t think Rey trying her tricks helped any.”

“What?” Poe was on his feet, ready to track down Rey and demand to know what she’d done to Hux, but he grabbed his arm and pulled him back.

“She was trying to recover my memories,” Hux explained. “I asked her to do it.”

“Did it work?” If he had returned to being General Hux, that would explain why he hadn’t kissed him back, but he couldn’t imagine that Leia and the others would have left him in his quarters Especially not without a guard outside the door. “I suppose that’s a dumb question.”

“It was.”

Poe sat down again and Hux scooted closer to him and then he found himself being pulled into Hux’s arms. Realizing that Hux wanted contact but not necessarily to kiss or do anything else, Poe relaxed against him and let Hux hold him. 

Neither of them moved or spoke until Poe’s comm went off and he had to answer it, although he was tempted not to. Because it turned out to be Leia calling him, he was glad he didn’t ignore the call.

“Poe,” Leia’s voice said. “I need you back in the command center as soon as possible. And bring Armitage if he feels up to it.”

“I’ll be there,” Poe said. He glanced at Hux and saw him nod, so he corrected himself. “We’ll both be there.”

Poe finally pulled himself out of Hux’s arms and immediately missed their warmth. Hopefully they’d be able to return to their quarters soon enough. He knew Leia liked to give everyone several hours after missions to rest, although Poe knew it wasn’t always possible. But hopefully he wouldn’t be sent out again anytime soon. He’d hate to leave Hux again.

When they made it to the command center, he saw that Leia, Rey, Finn, and BB-8 were already there. He joined them, with Hux right behind him. Poe wanted to ask Rey about what she’d done to Hux, but it wasn’t the time.

“We’ve analyzed the data you captured,” Leia said. “What we’ve found is very important. It looks as if we’ve found a First Order weapons lab. If we could destroy it, it could very well set them back at least from developing any more superweapons.”

“Let’s go take it out,” Poe said immediately, without even thinking about how another mission would mean leaving Hux again. Once he spoke, he realized that and wished he hadn’t spoken up.

“It won’t be that easy,” Leia said. “It’s built underground, which means we won’t be able to hit it with a starfighter attack. Or at least, we wouldn’t be able to destroy it. We could take out some of their systems, but those could be repaired and then they’d know that we know the location of the lab. We’re only going to have one chance at this.”

“We could go in on the ground,” Finn said. “A small group could sneak in and take it out from inside. Like we did with Starkiller.” He glanced towards Hux but quickly turned his attention back to Leia.

“You knew where you were going at Starkiller. Have you ever been to the weapons lab?”

Finn shook his head. “I didn’t even know it existed. I thought all the development labs were on board the _Supremacy_.”

“Armitage,” Leia said, looking towards him. “Are you remembering anything that might help us?”

“No,” he said. “I’m sorry. But unless Rey -”

“No,” Rey said quickly, cutting him off. “I won’t.”

“That’s all right,” Leia said. “We may not have need for it. I have an idea. Both times you remembered something, we were in battle against the First Order and someone said something that triggered a memory. I suspect that putting you on the ground at the weapons lab may have a similar effect.”

“You want me to go?” Hux asked, sounding surprised.

“Only if you want to. We won’t make you go if you don’t feel up to the task, but it might help with your memories.”

“I’ll go,” Hux agreed. “It’s worth a shot.”

“It might help us sneak in too,” Finn said. “He’d certainly have access to the lab. They wouldn’t stop him. He could walk right in and no one would even suspect.”

“Don’t you think they might know he’s missing?” Rey asked. “They might just shoot him on sight.”

“I don’t think so,” Finn said. “Even if they know, if General Hux shows up on their doorstep, they’re going to let him in. No one in the First Order would even think to question him. I know I never would have stopped him.”

“I think it’ll work,” Poe said. “I’d like to volunteer for the mission.”

“Okay,” Leia agreed. “How many people do you think he can get inside without it looking suspicious?”

“Three or four,” Finn said. “It wasn’t unusual for him to have other officers or sometimes a small security detail. I’d like to go too.”

“Me too,” Rey said.

“It looks like we’ve got a team ready,” Leia said. “We’ll work out the plan. And Armitage. You’ll need to shave your beard and get a haircut. And Finn. Do you think you could help him act more like himself?”

“Of course,” Finn agreed.

Poe didn’t mention the concern that if Hux regained all his memories while on the mission, he just might turn against them. But the others must have thought about it and with Finn and Rey with him, surely nothing could go terribly wrong.

\---

Seeing Hux with his beard shaved and hair cut short sent a shiver down Poe’s spine, and not entirely in a good way. He looked entirely too much like the First Order general that he used to be, which was, of course, the point. At least he was slouching in his seat and hadn’t put on his uniform yet, so Poe could easily see that he was still his Hux.

He just hoped he came out of the mission the same way.

“You keep looking at me,” Hux said from the copilot’s seat. 

“Sorry,” Poe said. They had just made the jump to lightspeed - there was no turning back now.

“Is something wrong?”

“No. Just thinking.”

“Worrying about the mission,” Hux corrected him. “Finn has assured me that I can sufficiently walk and talk like a First Order general, so nothing will go wrong on my end. Assuming that they’ll let me in.”

“That’s not the part I’m worried about.”

“What is it then?”

Poe didn’t know how to tell him that he dreaded the possible return of his memories. He knew that’s what Hux wanted, but for Poe, it would be the worst thing he could imagine. If Hux remembered, it would end whatever it was they had. He didn’t know how to tell Hux how he felt about it, so instead, he reached out and took his hand.

“I just want to remember the good times between us,” Poe said. 

“You really think it’s going to go that badly?”

“I don’t know. But just in case you do get your memories back, I just want you to know that I really do care about you.”

“Oh.” He was silent for several moments, but he kept hold of his hand while looking out the viewport. Finally, he turned his attention back to Poe. “You think if I get my memories back, I’ll leave?”

“I know you would,” Poe said. “And that’s the least of what I’m worried about.”

“What are you worried about? You don’t think I’d try to shoot you or anything.” Poe looked down as he said that, not really wanting to talk about it. “You really think that?”

Hux tightened his grip on his hand and pulled Poe to his feet and then dragged him into his lap. Despite just thinking about how Hux would certainly try to kill him if he ever regained his memories, Poe couldn’t help but smile as he arranged himself to comfortably sit.

“I couldn’t imagine ever hurting you,” Hux said. 

Poe leaned forward and gave him a quick kiss and then rested his forehead against his. “If you do get your memories back,” he said, “I want you to remember this moment. And that you said that.”

“I mean it,” Hux said, wrapping his arms around him. “I wouldn’t hurt you. No matter how terrible person I used to be, I would never hurt you.”

Poe smiled, although he knew it wasn’t true. But there was no point in telling Hux that. If he wanted to believe that, Poe had no problem letting him. He just hoped that he never did regain his memories. 

“We’ve got several hours before we arrive,” Poe said. “Before you put your uniform on, we could head to one of the cabins. Just so we have some privacy.”

“Perhaps,” Hux said, a slight smile forming on his face. “But it depends what you had in mind.”

“I think you know,” he said, leaning forward to kiss him again.

“What? Sitting there and holding hands? We could do that in here.”

Poe couldn’t help but laugh. He still couldn’t believe that he actually liked Hux. But he really wasn’t the same as the General Hux he used to be. “Look, I’m going to head back there. You can join me, or you can stay here. Up to you.”

He stood up and started walking away. Before he’d even left the cockpit, Hux was on his feet and following him and Poe couldn’t help but grin. Poe went to the cabin where they had stored Hux’s uniform and as soon as Hux was inside, Poe grabbed him and started kissing him, his hands trailing down until he was cupping Hux’s ass.

When he did that, Hux pulled away from him. “Wait,” Hux said. “Were you actually wanting to have sex? Now?”

“Not if you don’t want to,” Poe said, pulling away from him.

“It’s not that,” Hux said. “But we’re not alone on the ship. What about the others?”

“We’ll be quiet,” Poe said with a shrug. “But we don’t have to if it bothers you. We can just kiss or whatever you’re comfortable with.”

“I…” Hux glanced away from him, uncertainty on his face. Then he pulled Poe back to him and started kissing him and it didn’t take him long to start helping him out of his clothes.

Poe didn’t hesitate, but he couldn’t help but think that he might never be with Hux again if he got his wish. If he ever got his memories back, Poe knew that would be the end of their relationship, but he couldn’t bring himself to stop. He’d deal with that problem only if and when he had to and he carried on with only a slight amount of guilt. Hux would really despise him if he ever returned to the person he used to be.

“Poe?” Hux called softly while Poe was lying in his arms. He liked how cuddly Hux would get after sex, and he hated to think that it might be the last time. Slowly, he raised his head from Hux’s chest and looked up at him. “You’re not usually this quiet.”

“We should probably get cleaned up.” Poe hated to get up so soon, but he also knew that they’d soon be arriving and they needed to be ready. He pulled himself out of Hux’s arms and walked into the small refresher and quickly cleaned up in the sonic and then got out so Hux could use it.

By the time Hux stepped out, Poe had just finished dressing himself. Unlike the others, he wouldn’t be posing as a First Order officer, but instead, a weapons expert who was going to help them. Poe was glad that he didn’t need to wear one of the uniforms.

He wished Hux could get away without one too. As he watched him dress, he couldn’t help but think of him as the general. Poe hated thinking about him that way. 

“How do I look?” Hux asked once he’d put his belt on.

“Scary,” Poe replied.

“It’s not that bad, is it?” Hux smiled and stepped towards him, putting his arms around Poe’s waist. 

“Not when you smile.” Poe couldn’t resist kissing him. He only intended for a quick peck but Hux wrapped his arms tighter around him and pulled him closer as he deepened the kiss.

They were still kissing when there was a knock on the door and Rey informed them that they would be arriving soon. Finally, they broke apart from each other, but Poe couldn’t bear to let him go so soon and when they left the room, Poe held onto his hand.

Finn and Rey were both dressed in the First Order uniform, but they didn’t look nearly as scary as Hux did. Neither of them were at risk of regaining lost memories and turning on him, though. Finn also seemed quite uneasy with the sight of Hux in a general’s uniform, but he only shifted to stand a bit closer to Rey.

“How much longer until we get there?” Poe asked.

“We have about twenty minutes,” Rey said. “I thought we should go over the plan again.”

Poe agreed and once again, they walked through their carefully designed plan. It wasn’t complicated - they would show up, hopefully be allowed inside, find a computer terminal and find schematics for the building and then bring it down with the explosives Poe would carry in. But there was so much that could go wrong, and Hux had to be ready for any questions he might be asked.

Although they’d been through it plenty of times and Hux was ready, by the time they came out of hyperspace, Poe was even more worried than when they’d first left. Perhaps he shouldn’t have volunteered for the mission, but he couldn’t let Hux go on his own. And it was too late to change anything.

Their landing on the planet went smoothly and no one questioned why they were in a non-regulation shuttle. Every part of the plan seemed to be going exactly as they’d hoped for. A few questions were asked, but nothing they hadn’t anticipated so Hux was prepared. Finally, they had free reign of the lab and Finn made his way to the computer terminal. Together, he and Rey found what they were looking for and identified three spots that would destroy the lab.

“These two are close together,” Finn said, pointing at the map. “Rey and I can take those two and you two can take the other.”

Splitting up had not been part of their plan, but they hadn’t known the layout of the base before. And as much as Poe would have liked to stick together, he knew it would be much quicker to split up to plant the charges. It would be fine - Rey and Finn had the Force and Poe had Hux to keep away anyone who might think to question him. They agreed they’d simply meet back at the shuttle and then detonate the explosives from there.

“Any memories coming back?” Poe asked as they made their way to the lab’s power center. 

“Nothing.”

Poe could hear that Hux wasn’t happy about that, but he couldn’t help but be relieved. He just hoped that things stayed that way until they made it back to the shuttle. 

“Don’t you think I should remember something?” Hux asked. “Why is it I can remember things from your base, but here, I don’t recall a thing?”

“I don’t know,” Poe answered honestly. “Maybe it was just that the right words were said and you happened to remember something. I mean, this whole mission’s been pretty quiet. Maybe there needs to be more danger to trigger a memory.”

Hux grabbed Poe’s arm and pulled him back towards him, preventing him from moving. For a brief moment, Poe worried that he did remember and that would be it for him, but Hux didn’t try to take his blaster. He only looked around with a frown on his face.

“Isn’t that unusual?” Hux asked. “Shouldn’t there be more activity? Shouldn’t more people actually question what we’re doing here?”

“Maybe?” Poe could only shrug because he really had no idea what conditions should be like at the lab, but Hux was right about it being easy. “You think this might be a trap?”

“I don’t know, but it could be. We should tell the others and leave.”

Poe reached for his comlink but froze. What if Hux had remembered and he was attempting to keep them from destroying the lab? But if he had, surely he would have attacked him by now. Not unless he was wanting to get back to the Resistance base and take out all of them. Realizing that it might actually be a possibility, Poe shook his head.

“We’re almost there. Might as well get the explosives planted. And I’d rather not use the comlink unless it’s an emergency.”

Wanting to test Hux, Poe reached out and grabbed his hand. Hux smiled slightly as their hands touched, and Poe thought that was enough to confirm that he was still his Hux. If he’d regained his memories, Poe didn’t imagine he’d allow him to touch him. At least, not without some sign of disgust on his face. He let go of him and then they continued on their way.

Nothing went wrong as they planted their explosives or as they made their way out of the lab. Once outside, Poe turned to Hux with a grin, ready to tell him that nothing had gone wrong after all but he caught a large dark shape moving towards them from the corner of his eye. Although he knew it was useless, he raised his blaster and fired a shot, only to have the shot deflected by a red lightsaber.

Before he could fire again, he felt himself being pushed back towards the lab entrance, his blaster flying from his hands. He struggled to get up, although it didn’t really matter where he was - there was nothing he could do to stop Kylo Ren. 

“Hux! Run!” Poe called out, but Hux didn’t move. He seemed frozen in place, and for all Poe knew, that might have been true.

“I expected the Resistance,” Ren said, “but I never thought you of all people would be with them. I wondered where you had run off to.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Hux growled.

“Ah, yes. Of course. You don’t remember. I can fix that problem for you.”

“Hux!” Poe called out as he saw Ren step towards him, arm outstretched. He was on his feet and ran towards them, but he didn’t get very far before he was sent backwards with the Force once again. But he had to do something to stop Hux from regaining his memories, so he tried again. This time, he was held on the ground with the Force.

“He’s persistent,” Ren said to Hux. “I wonder why that is.”

Hux was screaming and begging Ren to stop. But unlike when Rey probed his mind, Ren didn’t care if he hurt him and continued. Hux fell to his knees, tears streaming down his face by the time Ren pulled his arm back.

“Well, that’s certainly an interesting development,” Ren said, smirk on his face. “To think that Dameron is your boyfriend. I wonder if he cares for you as much as you do him. Maybe it’ll break his heart when you remember exactly who you are. Let’s find out, shall we?”

Ren’s arm extended towards him again and once more, Poe was powerless to help Hux. It would be too late, anyway. If Ren was returning his memories, then it was the end for him. He’d shoot him just as soon as he had the chance, and with Ren still holding him down, he couldn’t even attempt to run away.

Finally, Hux’s screams stopped and shortly after, Ren took a step back from him. It took a moment before Hux managed to stand up. When he did, Poe knew he was no longer his Hux and he couldn’t bear to look at him. He prefered to remember Hux as he knew him in his last moments. He didn’t want to see the look of hatred in his eyes.

“General,” Ren said. “I think it’s time for you to take care of the Resistance scum and we can return to the fleet.”

Hux didn’t say anything in return, but he heard the sound of footsteps approaching him. “Poe,” Hux said softly. He sounded just like the man he’d grown to care for and Poe couldn’t help but looking up at him. Hux stood over him, holding his blaster. “I remember.”

“Just get it over with then.” 

“No. I remember what I said.”

Quickly, Hux turned towards Kylo and fired the blaster.


	9. Chapter 9

_Hux felt Ren’s presence before he walked onto the bridge. Any time the Supreme Leader was even slightly annoyed, he took it out on Hux using his mystical powers just like Snoke before him. It was probably why he seemed to sense whenever he was about to be attacked. He hated it, but he was used to it. And at least Ren was somewhat easier to placate than Snoke. He just had to figure out what was causing his bad mood._

_Almost as soon as Ren stepped through the doorway, Hux felt pressure around his throat. It was Ren’s favorite way to greet him, but it did mean he wasn’t in one of his worst moods - if he had been, he would have thrown Hux across the bridge already._

_“General,” Ren growled at him. “I need to speak to you.”_

_Before Hux could say anything, he felt Ren pulling him with the Force but Hux managed to move fast enough to avoid being knocked down. The other nice thing about Ren compared to Snoke was that he at least usually preferred to keep their fights private. Although Hux thought it was likely only because he didn’t want anyone else to see that Hux didn’t immediately obey him._

_“What’s the matter this time?” Hux asked once the door had closed to the conference room and they were alone. “Did they run out of your favorite pudding again?”_

_He felt Ren’s grip around his neck tighten to the point that he wouldn’t have been able to speak if he’d had anything else to say. After the first few times that Ren had choked him, Hux no longer worried that Ren would kill him. He needed him. So he simply waited until Ren was done and he could breathe again._

_“This isn’t a joke.”_

_“I didn’t think it was.” He waited for Ren to explain his bad mood, but he said nothing. “You clearly don’t like it when I guess what’s wrong, so if you’re not planning on telling me, I have other things to attend to.”_

_“It’s the_ Supremacy _. I thought I instructed you that my quarters there were not to be touched during the salvage operation.”_

_“You did and I passed that message along to the salvage crews.”_

_“Then why was everything removed from my quarters?” Ren shouted at him. Hux almost flinched at the sudden increase in volume, but he managed to keep calm. It wouldn’t do to let Ren know he was affected at all by his screaming._

_“I didn’t know that they were and I don’t know what you expect me to do about it now.”_

_“You did this intentionally! I saw the orders. It said that room 4-152-3 was to be left untouched!”_

_“Did it?” Hux immediately realized the problem. That room number indicated the room that was directly below Ren’s living quarters. “I assure you that it was not intentional.”_

_“Don’t lie to me!” Ren roared as the Force tightened once again around his neck. “You’ve been doing everything you can to get in my way! I know what you’re doing Hux! Planning to take over!”_

_“Ren!” Hux managed to choke out. “Ren, I’m not… it was a mistake!” It was hard to sound angry when he could hardly breathe._

_“You really expect me to believe you’re not plotting anything?” Ren sounded calmer but Hux knew that meant very little. He released his grip on his throat and stepped closer into his personal space. “You don’t think I’ve seen the treasonous thoughts in your mind? You’d kill me if you thought you could manage it.”_

_Hux knew it was pointless to deny it. Ever since Snoke’s death, Ren had taken to going through his mind whenever he felt like it. Although he could try to think of uninteresting things, there was nothing to stop Ren from digging as deep as he wanted. And because he had no one to reel him in, he’d even taken to altering Hux’s memories when the mood struck him, making him think things that had never happened were real or sometimes making him forget things about himself._

_“Don’t think you’re special, Ren,” Hux said. “I’ve only survived this long because I’ve thought of how to kill nearly everyone around me. I haven’t always gone through with it. I’m sure you’ve seen that in my mind as well. Now, if that’s all, I have work to do.”_

_“I still haven’t decided on your punishment.”_

_“I wasn’t aware you needed to abuse me any further.”_

_“I wouldn’t want you to think you can get away with making such mistakes again.”_

_It truly had been an honest mistake - Hux knew he’d likely put in the wrong deck number simply due to being overworked and tired, which was also likely the reason he hadn’t noticed it on his own. There was no point trying to explain any of that to Ren. He only believed what he wanted to, which was ridiculous considering that the man was an actual mind reader._

_“Do you think you need a vacation?” Ren asked. Hux could feel him digging around inside his head. “Maybe some time off would make you more efficient at your job?”_

_“That’s not what I need,” Hux said. Although he could use a break, he knew he couldn’t be away from his work for any length of time. He also had the suspicion that whatever Ren meant by vacation was not something he’d enjoy. Probably something along the lines of locking him in the brig._

_“No,” Ren said. “I have a much better idea for your vacation.”_

_Hux really felt Ren going deep into his mind. It wasn’t the first time he’d done such a thing so he knew what was coming and he couldn’t help but be afraid. Ren was changing his memories, and although he had no idea what Ren intended, it was never good._

_“Ren, please,” he almost started to beg but everything started to hurt and he could no longer form words. He might have been screaming, but he wasn’t sure if it was only in his head. He didn’t have long to worry about because soon, everything went dark and then there was nothing._

\---

It wasn’t the ideal situation and Hux doubted it would work, but he had no other options. He took one last look at Poe, knowing it might be the last time, and then turned the blaster on Ren. Knowing he had to be quick, he fired two shots quickly but before he could fire a third, he found himself - as well as the shots he fired - frozen.

Ren moved so he was out of the way and then released the shots so they harmlessly went behind him. He stepped closer towards Hux and he struggled to pull the trigger just one more time, but he couldn’t move at all.

“Maybe I deserved that,” Ren said. “But there’s something else.” Once again, Hux could feel that Ren was poking around inside his head. He tried to think of something mundane but that rarely worked, especially not when Ren was really determined to find out what he was thinking.

“So General Hux has decided to become a traitor,” Ren said as he withdrew from his mind. “And all for a piece of ass. I’m surprised, Hux. I would have thought your sole motivation would be to dispose of me. I suppose you have outlived your usefulness. I won’t bother taking you back to the fleet with me. Who knows what trouble you might cause?”

Hux suspected his death would come at Ren’s hands as soon as he named himself Supreme Leader. He thought he’d made peace with that fact and had always carried on with his job as usual, but now that Ren decided it was time, Hux realized he didn’t want to die. Not when he had something to live for.

Ren put a hand around his neck, which surprised him - he’d always seemed to prefer using the Force to throw him around. Hux had often thought it would be better if Ren would use his hands but now he realized it made no difference. He just wanted him to get it over with. Hux closed his eyes and thought of Poe, not wanting to think of Ren in his last moments.

Poe had been the only person in his life who had ever been nice to him, even though he had no reason to. He never would have believed that such kindness could exist in the galaxy, and it was a shame he’d only known it for such a short time. At least he would die having known true friendship.

Suddenly, the pressure disappeared from his neck and he opened his eyes to see that Poe had grabbed Ren from behind. He had an arm around his neck, but unfortunately, Ren still had the Force and it didn’t take long for Ren to throw Poe off of him. 

But it did create enough of a distraction that Hux found himself able to move just enough to take another shot at Ren. He couldn’t move the blaster to aim, but as soon as it looked like he had a good shot, Hux fired. It was far from a fatal shot, but Ren howled in pain as he lashed out with the Force and send him flying backwards.

Hux started to get back to his feet, but Ren froze him once again before he could raise the blaster again. Ren looked between him and Poe as if he couldn’t decide who to kill first. Then he turned his attention to the door of the lab.

“You’re with the scavenger,” Ren sneered, turning his attention to Hux. “I’ll just have to destroy you when I destroy the rest of them!”

He turned and took off and as soon as Hux could move, he started shooting at Ren’s retreating back, but he was too far away. Although he was tempted to chase him down and try to finish him, he knew that even injured, Ren could easily kill him. And he had more important things to worry about.

Once satisfied that Ren wasn’t coming back, he turned his attention to Poe. He took a few steps towards him and saw that Poe was looking at the blaster in his hand. Hux froze, realizing that Poe was afraid. He remembered their conversation in the shuttle - Poe had thought he’d kill him if he regained his memories and despite what had just happened, he still seemed to believe it.

Not wanting Poe to look at him with fear in his eyes, he turned the blaster around and held it out to Poe, but he didn’t take it. He just remained where he was on the ground, looking at Hux. Wanting him to know he had no intention of harming him he put he blaster on the ground.

“You should go,” he said. “Before Rey and Finn get here.”

“No,” he said, shaking his head and kneeling down next to him. “I’m not going to leave you. You’re hurt.” 

“Hux, you need to go. I don’t know what’ll happen to you.”

“I don’t care.” He knew that nothing the Resistance could do would be any worse than what Ren would have done. In the worst case scenario, he’d be executed, but he imagined they’d at least make it quick. And they’d likely keep him alive long enough to help them take down Ren, so at least he wouldn’t be the only one losing.

“Hux…”

“Is anything broken?” Hux wanted to reach out and touch him, but he didn’t think Poe would like that. It was one thing when he didn’t remember who he was, but now that he did, Poe probably wouldn’t like him anymore. Hux couldn’t blame him for that.

“I don’t think so,” Poe said, shaking his head. “Everything just hurts.”

“It’s not pleasant. Being thrown around with the Force. We’ll -” Hux was interrupted by the door of the lab opening. He looked up to see Finn and Rey running out the door. Not wanting them to get the wrong idea, he immediately stood up and took a step away from Poe while putting his hands up.

“What are you doing?” Finn asked. “What happened?”

“Kylo Ren,” Poe said.

As soon as he spoke, Finn had a blaster trained on him. Rey didn’t understand as quickly, but once she did, she had her lightsaber in hand but unignited.

“You have your memories back,” Rey said.

“He saved me,” Poe said, struggling to get to his feet. Hux wanted to be next to him to help him but he knew one wrong move and Finn would shoot him. “He had every chance to kill me and leave with Ren. But he shot him instead.”

“But he’s -” Finn started to argue, but Poe interrupted him.

“It doesn’t matter. He’s with us now.” Poe walked over to him and grabbed his arms, pulling them down to his sides. Poe’s hands traveled down his arms until he was holding his hands. Hux didn’t really know how to react. Poe shouldn’t trust him, but he was also relieved that he did. 

“We should get back to the shuttle,” Rey said. “Leia’s going to have to decide what to do about all this anyway.”

That, at least, everyone seemed to agree on. As they made their way back, Poe held onto Hux’s hand and he didn’t let go until they were onboard. Even then, he only let go when Hux asked if he could change out of the uniform - he didn’t want to wear it any longer than necessary. The First Order uniform was not something he ever wanted to put on again.

Finn kept an eye on him while he put on his other clothes, the ones the Resistance had given to him. He liked them far more, and not just because they were more comfortable. They reminded him of Poe. And if he was going to be taken into custody, he at least wanted something of Poe. Once he’d changed, Finn led him back to the main passenger compartment where Poe and Rey were waiting. They’d already jumped to lightspeed and were presumably on their way back to the Resistance.

Hux just looked at Poe, wanting to go to him, but despite the way he had taken his hand earlier, Hux wasn’t sure if Poe really wanted anything to do with him. That didn’t change how Hux felt about him, though. 

“I’ll give the Resistance everything I know,” Hux said. “You’ll need to act fast because Ren knows I’m with you now. And he knows that I’m here willingly.”

“Willingly?” Finn questioned. “I didn’t think you had a choice.”

“I did.” Hux didn’t see any point in trying to explain any further, at least not to Finn. He wasn’t someone who needed to know. 

“Why’d you do it?” Poe asked. He took a few steps towards him, stopping when he was close enough that he could reach out and touch him. 

“I told you on the way here,” Hux said, looking directly at Poe and trying to pretend the others weren’t there at all. He hated to admit such things, especially with multiple people listening. “I could never hurt you.”

Suddenly, Poe closed the short distance between them and put his arms around him. He was surprised by the action and he couldn’t even think of how to react. He’d have thought Poe would have despised him now that he had his memories back. He should. But then, he always should have hated him.

“Poe!” Finn called angrily. “What are you doing?”

“He saved my life, Finn,” Poe said as he let go of Hux and turned to the other man. “He made the right choice. Even after getting his memories back.”

“We still have to take him into custody,” Rey said. “I’ve already informed Leia.”

“I know,” Hux said. “I’ll cooperate.”

“I don’t believe that you’ve had a change of heart,” Finn said. “You’re not going to help us because you believe in our cause.”

“You’re right. I’m helping you because of what Ren did to me. He’s been getting in my head since he made himself Supreme Leader and changing things for fun. Do you know what his excuse was to erase all my memories and abandon me on some insignificant planet? I put the wrong number on an order. I’m not going back to that and I’ll work with anyone who has a chance of taking him down. And right now, I think you’re the only ones who might be able to do it.”

As he finished speaking, Poe put his arms back around him and Hux found himself relaxing against him. He hadn’t realized how terrifying it was just to think about the things Ren had done to him. Even Rey stepped forward and put a hand on his shoulder.

“He can’t hurt you now,” she promised.

With Rey standing directly in front of him, Hux felt like he was seeing her for the first time. He hadn’t immediately made the connection that she was the scavenger girl who Ren was obsessed with. She was the one who had managed to defeat him twice. And if Ren were to be believed, she’d also killed Snoke and all his guards, although Hux doubted that.

“No wonder he ran,” Hux said. “I’ve seen what you’ve done to him. My only complaint is that you didn’t kill him.”

“Maybe next time.” Rey stepped away from him and took Finn’s hand and they went into the cockpit. 

When they were gone, Poe finally let go of him and Hux wished he would put his arms back. He didn’t want to talk or even think about anything that had happened on their mission. He just wanted to lay in Poe’s arms and pretend like everything would be all right. Except it wasn’t. Poe had been injured.

“You need to sit down,” Hux said, gently taking his arm and leading him over to the nearest bench. He hesitated for a moment, not sure if Poe would want him near, but then he sat down next to him. “It’s going to hurt for a few days, but as long as nothing’s broken and there’s no internal bleeding, it’s really not too bad.”

“How many times did he do that kind of thing to you?” Poe asked.

“Enough,” Hux said with a shrug. “Snoke, too. I’m used to it.”

Poe reached out and took Hux’s hand, but then he pulled away. “Sorry,” he said, looking away from him. “I don’t really know where we stand now. I’m sure you don’t want me touching you.”

“No,” Hux said. “I.. it’s okay. Wanting to see Ren’s downfall isn’t the only reason I’m still here. I really meant it. I care about you, Dameron. I’m sure you’ll want nothing to do with me now, but I do appreciate everything.”

“Hux,” Poe said, scooting closer to him. “Why would you think that? I’ve known exactly who you are this entire time. This doesn’t change how I feel.”

“It doesn’t?” Hux shouldn’t have been surprised - Poe had continued touching him and even hugging him after he regained his memories - yet he kept expecting to see a look of disgust in his eyes, for him to tell him that he hated him.

“I honestly thought you’d try to kill me,” Poe said. “So I never really thought about what would happen if you got your memory back. I just thought it’d be over. But you’re here now. And I still like you.”

“I’m surprised myself,” Hux admitted. He never would have imagined that he’d leave the First Order. And for Poe Dameron of all people. “You’re the only person who’s ever been kind to me. I really don’t think I could have hurt you.”

Poe leaned in and lightly kissed him, but Hux pulled back. He would have liked nothing better than to kiss Poe and hold him, but he knew that it wasn’t the best idea. “We really shouldn’t,” he said. 

“Why not?”

“The Resistance might execute me.”

“They won’t.”

“And if they don’t, I’ll be locked up for the rest of my life. You deserve someone better. Someone you can be with.”

“I don’t want anyone else,” Poe said, reaching up to stroke his cheek. “No matter what, I want to be with you. For as long as possible.”

Hux wanted to tell him not to waste his time but if that’s what Poe wanted to do, then who was he to argue? And he’d never been described as selfless. He reached out and lightly brushed a finger across Poe’s hand and very quickly, Poe was holding his hand and cuddling up next to him. 

He really couldn’t ask for anything more in his last moments as a free man.


	10. Chapter 10

It wasn’t being away from Hux that was bothering Poe - he’d been away from him before and for longer periods of time. It was the lack of information that was driving him crazy. He had no idea what was happening behind the closed door of the makeshift prison cell - the one they’d brought him to when he first arrived on base. They’d taken him there almost as soon as they’d returned and Poe hadn’t seen him since.

They had both fallen asleep on the shuttle, and after they landed, Poe had woken just before Hux, so he managed to get a quick glimpse of Hux with his head on shoulder, looking as peaceful as he could. But then he’d woken up and been taken away.

Poe had at least expected a mission debriefing, which at least would have taken his mind off of Hux, but instead, Leia had spoken to him, Finn, and Rey and simply told them not to talk to anyone about what had happened. That had been several hours ago, and like Hux, Poe hadn’t seen her since.

He tried resting, but he couldn’t stop thinking about Hux. Although he thought the Resistance was above things such as torture, he couldn’t help but wonder if they might have made an exception for Hux. Even when he didn’t remember who he was, almost everyone had hated him. What would they think of him now that he did know?

Of course, he did say he would cooperate and tell the Resistance everything, but he imagined there was some negotiation involved. What if Hux asked for something they couldn’t give him? Would they resort to more disreputable methods to get what they wanted from him? He didn’t even know who was handling the interrogation. Or if it was even technically an interrogation. 

It was starting to drive him crazy. He understood why he wasn’t allowed in the room, but he wished someone could at least tell him something about what was going on. Was Hux actually cooperating? Was he being difficult? Was he hurt at all?

“Poe,” Rey said, coming up behind him and putting a hand on his shoulder. “Everything’s going to be okay. You should sit down.”

He’d been pacing back in forth in a lounge with only Rey and Finn for company. He hadn’t wanted to be alone, but he also wasn’t feeling like being social. Rey and Finn understood that and were happy to just be in the same room as him, but apparently, even they had their limits.

“I can’t sit down,” Poe said. “I have no idea what’s happening to him. I can’t stand this!”

“No, Poe,” Rey said. “Sit down so I can concentrate. Your pacing and nervous energy is really distracting. But I can probably use the Force to at least see how Hux is doing. Make sure he’s okay.”

“You can do that?”

“If you can calm yourself down for a few minutes, yes.”

It was worth a try, so Poe sat down and waited. Rey went and sat next to Finn and then closed her eyes. He had no idea if it was even working, but after a short period of silence, Rey opened her eyes and gave Poe a small smile.

“He’s fine,” she informed him. “He’s a bit… uncertain, I suppose. But he’s perfectly fine. Maybe a bit tired.”

“No one’s hurt him?”

“Not that I can tell,” Rey said. “If they have, it’s not bad enough that it’s bothering him.”

Poe nodded. It was the best he could hope for. Hux wasn’t being tortured and he was just having to suffer through a long, tedious interrogation. “Thank you,” he said to Rey.

“Had to do something to get you to stop worrying,” she said. “Looked like you were on the verge of trying to punch a hole in the wall.”

“Yeah, well, it’s hard to not know.” He still didn’t know what would happen to Hux once they’d finished getting information from him. He tried not to think too hard about that because he still knew it was possible he’d be executed. And Poe really couldn’t think of an argument against it.

He knew Leia and felt certain that she, at least, would make a case for life imprisonment. And then, maybe Poe could still see him. If Hux really was telling them everything he knew about the First Order, he should at least be allowed visits from friends while locked up. Or friend. Poe knew he was the only friend Hux had. He glanced over to Rey and Finn. They’d been fine being around him before he regained his memory, but he didn’t think they’d want to now. Especially not Finn.

“I’m sorry,” Poe said, looking over at Finn. “I know this is hard for you. And I’m sure I’m not making it any better.”

“You don’t have to worry about me. I may hate him, but he did save your life. So maybe he’s not completely terrible.”

That was more than Poe had ever expected from Finn. He would have thought he’d be the first in line to shoot him. Maybe if even Finn could admit that much, maybe there was hope that the rest of the Resistance would feel the same. Maybe Hux would survive. 

After what seemed like hours, Leia finally found them. Poe was on his feet immediately, wanting to ask how Hux was and if he was really cooperating and if he could see him. Before he managed to get a single word out, Leia held up a hand, and he remained silent.

“This is a very complicated situation,” she told them. “I’m not sure what to do with Hux. He has given us quite a bit of information already about the First Order, and oddly enough, he’s asked for nothing in return. In fact, he’s only asked about one thing. Do you know what that is?”

Poe shook his head, not sure what it might be. He glanced over to the others, but Leia was clearly speaking to him.

“He’s asked about you, Poe. He wanted to make sure your injuries were treated. Although to my knowledge, you haven’t seen a medic yet.”

“No,” he said. “It’s not that bad.” Which was partially true. It hurt quite a bit, but he didn’t think any serious damage had been done. He was far too worried about Hux to worry about himself anyway.

“Before a decision can be made about Hux,” Leia said, “I’d like to debrief the three of you about your mission. Separately. Poe, you’re first.”

Poe followed her to the small area that Leia used as a desk in the corner of the command center. Although there were others around, everyone else was too busy with their own tasks to pay any attention to them so it was close enough to a private location. Not that Poe had anything to hide.

He told Leia everything, but made sure she knew that Hux had immediately tried to shoot Kylo Ren as soon as he had his memories back. Surely it was for the best if everyone knew that that he was firmly on their side.

“That’s not how he told it,” Leia said. “He claims he hesitated and actually considered going back to the First Order.”

“What? No!” Poe raised his voice, but then took a deep breath to calm down. Mostly, he couldn’t believe that Hux would say something that might end up hurting him. “Okay, maybe he hesitated for a second, but he turned the blaster on Ren real fast.”

“If it were up to you, what would you have us do with him?”

“Does it matter what I think?” Poe asked. He didn’t want to admit what he really wanted, although he suspected she probably already knew.

“I’d like to hear your ideas.”

“Okay, well, I know it’s not possible, but I guess I’d like it if he just stayed with us. Like he has been. Except helping us take down the First Order. But I know that can’t happen. So I guess the best I can hope for is that he gets a nice prison cell and that I could visit him.”

“You think you’ll want to continue your relationship with him?”

Poe shrugged. “I can’t tell the future. All I know is that I really like him still. And that right now, I still want to be with him.”

“Well, for now, you can go and talk with him. Once I talk to the others, I’ll let you know what we’re going to do with him.”

Poe nodded and then left, immediately heading down to the storage room where Hux was. He hoped that Leia didn’t ask the others what they thought should happen to Hux, because he could only imagine that Finn would want to have him executed.

The guards let him into Hux’s makeshift prison without question and Poe was glad to see that it was at least a little nicer than the last time he’d been in there. Now, he at least had a cot, although he currently sat at the table.

“Dameron? What are you doing here?” he asked as he stood up. By that time, Poe had reached him and put his arms around him. 

“General Organa said I could visit,” he said as he let him go. Despite having fallen asleep on each other in the shuttle, Poe still wasn’t certain if Hux wanted any affection from him.

“Oh. Well. That was nice of her.”

“You’re doing okay? No one’s hurt you?”

“Your people are far too soft for that,” Hux said as he walked over to the cot and sat down. He motioned for Poe to join him, which he did without hesitation. “I’m afraid that even if they attempted to torture me, it wouldn’t be any worse than what every First Order cadet goes through.”

Poe shuddered, not wanting to think about what the First Order did to its own people. He had only learned what little Finn had told him about stormtrooper training, which wasn’t much. Poe didn’t blame him for not wanting to talk about it.

“You didn’t see a medic.” It wasn’t a question.

“Why didn’t you make any demands?” Poe asked. “You could have asked that you be given your freedom. Or ask for a guarantee that you’re not executed.”

“Promises made to get information are meaningless. There’s nothing to ensure General Organa keeps her word. And the information needed to be put to use as soon as possible.”

“General Organa? She questioned you?”

“My only other visitor besides you.”

That was interesting. Poe would have expected all kinds of people talking to him and getting as much information as possible. He couldn’t help but wonder why Leia had talked to him alone. She had also asked him and the others not to speak to anyone about the mission. Obviously, she had some kind of plan. Before Poe could think too much about what she might be up to, Hux reached out and took his hand.

“I never thanked you, did I?” 

“For what?” Poe asked.

“Kidnapping me. Starting this whole thing.”

“You weren’t too happy about it when I did it.”

“No, but I had no idea. If you hadn’t shown up when you did, Ren eventually would have picked me back up again and I’d still be with them. Stuck. I never considered what freedom really meant, Poe. Not until you gave it to me.”

Somehow, Poe felt worse. He’d given Hux a small taste of freedom only to have it taken away from him again. Hux lifted a hand and stroked his cheek before pulling him in for a quick kiss.

“You don’t have to look so sad about it,” Hux said.

“I wish I could do something for you,” Poe said, resting his forehead against Hux’s.

“You’ve done more than I ever could have imagined. My time with you has been the best of my life. Even if they kill me, it was all worth it.”

Poe gave a small smile, even though he hated to think that Hux might be killed. But they at least had the moment and Hux soon had his arms around him. With his worry for Hux, he hadn’t realized how tired he was, but now that he was back with him, he was able to relax and he closed his eyes. 

He couldn’t do anything more for Hux. All he could do was hold him and hope for the best.

\---

Poe had no idea how long he’d been asleep, but it had been long enough to make his neck and arm sore. Of course, it didn’t help that he’d been crowded on a cot meant for one. But he’d much rather be uncomfortable with Hux than be in his own bed without him.

He was just shaking of the last bit of sleepiness when he realized it had been an opening door that had woken him. He sat up, which was enough to also wake up Hux, who moved slowly at first and then suddenly shot up like he was under attack. Poe put a hand on his arm and Hux realized he was safe. 

Or at least, he wasn’t about to be attacked in his sleep.

“General Hux,” Leia said, walking over to them.

“I’m not a general,” Hux said. “Not anymore.”

“Armitage,” Leia corrected. “I asked you about what you thought the Resistance should do with you. You said you didn’t care as long as we defeated Kylo Ren. Have you changed your mind at all? Is there anything at all you might want?”

Hux glanced over at Poe and then nodded. “If you let me live,” he said, “I’d like to be able to see Poe. Wherever you end up locking me up, I just want to see him. For as long as he wants to see me.”

Poe took his hand and gave it a quick squeeze. He couldn’t imagine not wanting to be with Hux. He just hoped that Leia’s question could only mean something good.

“I want you to know that this decision isn’t final and it could change. But it occurred to me that you’re not the only one to defect from the First Order. And the last time, we immediately opened up our arms to him and allowed him to join us. It’s a trickier situation given what you’ve done, but as far as anyone knows, you’ve lost your memory. For now, we’ll keep up the appearance that you have no idea who you are.”

“What?” Poe and Hux both said at the same time. Poe was shocked by her decision, but pleasantly so. He briefly wondered if he was still asleep and he was dreaming, but he never had such vivid dreams. 

“Are you sure we can get away with that?” Poe asked.

“I feel like someone might demand my blood,” Hux added.

“They already have, but all of those people also accepted we can’t punish a man with no memory of his crimes. They shouldn’t be too much of a problem. As for getting away with it, we’ve got no means or authority to hold any kind of trial and the Republic is far too busy rebuilding to have to deal with this. So for now, everything stays as it was. Armitage has no memory and we’re keeping an eye on him. And make no mistake. We will be keeping an eye on you.”

“But why?” Poe knew he shouldn’t be questioning her, not when he had exactly what he wanted.

“For one, he’s helped us immensely. We very well might win this war based on his information. And he clearly is not the same man who ordered the destruction of Starkiller. That man would have been bargaining for whatever we might give him. He’s a changed man, which is fairly obvious given his conduct in here with you. If we want to heal the galaxy, I think forgiveness is a step in the right direction.”

“I don’t know what to say,” Hux said, his voice not much louder than a whisper. Poe couldn’t speak at all, trying to remember everything they’d said and did since he walked into the room. He had known there would be surveillance, but he hadn’t thought about it. But apparently, something they’d done had helped convince Leia to show mercy.

“You don’t have to say anything at all. At least not to me. But you might want to thank Finn at some point.”

“Finn?” Poe asked. Thinking about his friend, he couldn’t help but wonder how he’d take the news that Hux was going to walk free. How would they keep him from telling the truth?

“He made a very convincing argument for forgiveness,” Leia said with a smile. “I was already leaning that way myself, but he reminded us that even you didn’t have a choice about being in the First Order. The difference is that you didn’t see a way out until much later. Now why don’t the two of you go back to your quarters. That cot is not meant for two people.”

Poe couldn’t believe what was happening. He’d been prepared to loudly argue against Hux’s execution or to accept that he’d spend the rest of his life locked up, but Leia was giving him his freedom instead. 

Not wanting to give anything away to the others, he kept his expression neutral, although he held Hux’s hand all the way back to their quarters. As soon as the door closed, Poe grinned and pulled Hux into a kiss.

He never wanted to let him go.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have one more short chapter that I'll have up in a day or two, but it's just some extra softness. 'Cause I needed more soft. But if that's not your thing, feel free to stop here.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And here's the promise fluff and the end to the story! Thank you to everyone who's read this far! Especially anyone who's been reading since the beginning and had to deal with my super slow updates!

Hux looked at himself in the mirror, glad he looked absolutely nothing like his old self. As soon as he hadn’t needed to look like a First Order general, he’d grown out his hair and beard. It didn’t help with the nightmares, but at least it made looking in a mirror easier.

Although not on that particular day. 

Most of the Resistance had accepted him, believing him to have never recovered his memories, Hux had been living with that guilt for a year. Guilt both about everything he’d done as part of the First Order and then lying to everyone new he met. He hated it, but he knew that if anyone learned the truth, there would be an outcry demanding that he be killed or locked up. He knew prison was where he belonged, but he also was too selfish to give up what he had. If there was one place he didn’t belong, it was at a happy celebration.

He’d agreed to take part, but now that he had the nicest clothes he owned on, he realized he didn’t belong. Even if he did play a major role in defeating the First Order. Even if Rey had insisted that he stand with her.

“You’re anxious, Hugs.” Hux turned around just in time to see Poe before he had his arms around him. “What’s wrong?”

“I shouldn’t be here,” he muttered. “I know Rey asked, but…”

“Nonsense,” Poe said, giving him a quick kiss. “If the bride wants you at her wedding, then you’d better be there. Especially Rey. If you bail on her, she’ll hunt you down.”

That much, Hux knew to be true. She had been ruthless in the fight against the First Order. She’d gone after Kylo Ren and Hux didn’t believe she would have stopped until he was dead or captured if everyone else hadn’t very nicely asked her to let him go. They’d destroyed his power, he had nothing to go back to. He deserved to be locked up, but Rey also deserved to have a life that wasn’t hunting a criminal.

Hux thought about how easy it would have been for him to have gone down with Ren. He’d likely have died on the bridge of his ship. That is, if Ren hadn’t killed him first. He looked at Poe and smiled. He owed so much to him.

“The ceremony is about to start,” Poe said, taking him by the hand and leading him out of the dressing room. They held hands as long as they could, but they had to part since Hux was Rey’s best man and Poe was Finn’s.

At first, Hux hated being in front of so many people and he couldn’t help but imagine all of them thinking that he didn’t belong. But he remembered that Rey hadn’t only asked that he stand with her while she got married, but she’d insisted. Demanded it. 

It had taken him by surprise that she would want him there. They had worked closely together while hunting Kylo, and Hux found that he liked the Jedi the more time he spent with her, but he hadn’t thought they were that close. Apparently, they were.

Rey and Finn were both wearing Jedi robes and as he watched the two of them, all smiles as they said their vows, Hux wondered how he ever could have been opposed to the two of them, to people like those he was surrounded by. As Finn had reminded him countless times, it really wasn’t his fault, but Hux still felt like it was. Some part of him still found the chaos of his new life unbearable, but it was for the best.

As Rey and Finn kissed, he was certain of that. No matter what, life with the Resistance and the Republic was far better than what anyone could have under the First Order. What he had was something worth fighting for.

“You seem to be thinking about something,” Poe said once the ceremony had ended and they could finally talk. They could touch again too, and Hux was quick to take his hand.

“I am,” Hux said, giving no further details.

“Thinking you might like to do this too someday?” Poe asked with a grin.

“What?” That caught him by surprise. Was Poe seriously asking him that?

“Don’t look so worried!” Poe laughed. “Not anytime soon. But you know. Someday.”

“Hmm. Yes. Someday.” Maybe someday he’d be worthy to get married to someone like Poe. But despite everything that had happened - including General Organa calling him a hero in front of the entire Resistance - he still felt like he didn’t deserve what he had. And he still expected it all to be taken from him any day.

There was so much that could go wrong. General Organa or Rey or Finn could decide to tell everyone the truth. He could let something slip. Poe could decide he wanted someone better. And then he’d lose everything. He didn’t know what his life would be like without Poe. Before he met him, he’d never imagined a life outside of the First Order, and now, he couldn’t imagine not having Poe as part of his life.

“You keep thinking about something,” Poe said. Finn and Rey were dancing and soon, Poe took his hand and they were dancing as well.

“Sorry,” he said, trying to focus on Poe. He had to stay focused in order to dance without tripping. It certainly wasn’t something he was good at, but he’d never expected he’d need or want to be able to dance.

“It’s fine,” Poe assured him. “Want to tell me what has you so distracted?”

“Everything,” Hux admitted. He hated talking about such things, but with Poe, he could talk about anything. “Just the First Order and you and Rey and how all of this even happened. What could go wrong. How close I came to never having this. If you hadn’t found me in that bar, I’d probably be dead now.”

“Good thing I found you then.”

Hux knew then that Poe didn’t want to discuss the “what ifs.” They were together and that was what mattered. None of the other possibilities had happened. And Poe was right. There was no sense worrying about what might have happened. The only thing that was certain was that he was in the best place he ever could have hoped for.

The party lasted well into the night, as not only were they celebrating Finn and Rey’s wedding, but the defeat of the First Order. Although he’d fought against the Order and had been hoping for their defeat, he always imagined he’d feel a little bit sad when it happened. But when General Organa gave her speech about having restored freedom to the galaxy, he found himself smiling. 

Instead of feeling sad, it was as if a burden was lifted from him. He did what he needed to do. The First Order was no more. That part of his life was over. And all he had now was the rest of his life to look forward too. A life that he would hopefully spend with Poe. As Organa finished speaking, he couldn’t help but grab Poe and kiss him.

Whatever had happened in the past didn’t matter in that moment. The only thing that mattered was Poe.


End file.
